going for distance

this morning maizie was tossing and turning because her diaper was wet. so like a good, bleary eyed mom i got a new diaper and started to change her...on our bed. i think you can see where this is going. i got the new diaper under her but then i thought maybe some desitin would be good since she was a little red. while reaching for the cream i hear this "shhh-ing" sound and felt drops of stuff on my arm and foot. yes maizie was peeing, and not just letting the pee run out, she was pushing it out. she managed to get it all over my side of the bed, herself and me. i didnt know that girls could do that!! in other news, i have to go back to work on monday. after 12 days off its kind of lame.

8&9 month post

ok i am a bad mom. i neglected doing an 8 month post. not that i forgot about it; time for doing it just kept slipping away and before i knew it, maizie turned 9 months old. so my few lucky readers get two months in one post!

maizie has started saying a few things. sometimes she repeats things but mostly she says things at random. her favorite right now is "ooh". her other words are "mama", "dada", "wow" (which she said while i took a corner a little fast), and "uh-oh".

she graduated herself onto real food. she won't take baby food unless she is totally desperate. her favorite thing is string cheese.

she kisses her dolly...and then shakes it by the arm.

maizie pounces. she sits on her knees a lot and bounces, and then BAM she pounces on a toy. it reminds me of a kitten learning to hunt.

maizie thinks that nice furniture is there for her to chew on. i know that teething isnt fun, that's why we have spent a small fortune on teething toys and medicine. but our sweet girl prefers to gnaw on tables, chairs, and these glass knobs on a dresser at my mom and dad's house.

she has started standing by herself for longer periods of time. i think so far about 30 seconds has been the longest she has been able to do.

she LOVES books. she has one book that she plays with regularly and the only way she could open it was by throwing it around.

she is trying to walk. we bought her a little stroller to push around. she loves it!

maizie started climbing the stairs. she just cant figure out how to get back down.

she really likes fires. whenever we make one and the flames are big she can hardly stand it, and shrieks and laughs.

today maizie got her hands on a pear, and before i knew it she had taken 2 huge bites out of it.

worst. idea. ever.

i keep hearing about this "cry it out" method that works wonders for everybody's kids. i kept thinking someday we will try it. i thought today would be that day. and it was that day. we tried it. and we have dismissed it as something that will work for maizie...let's be honest, it wont work for us either. i was almost in tears, and in the end adam and i were fighting about who gets to rock her.
when we got in there poor maizie was standing in her bed sobbing, and then kept going back and forth between adam and me. like she wanted us both at the same time. she had a totally confused look on her face and was shaking. i got her for a few minutes while adam used the bathroom, and then she wanted him. i think she is totally pissed at me because i was the one who put her in her bed and left her alone.
adam is currently rocking her. every couple of minutes she lets out a sob. the worst part is i know that she is crying in her sleep. it makes me feel heartless, like i was totally abandoning her, and that, my friends, breaks my heart. i would rather have her sleeping in our bed til she's 10 than have her think we dont love her or that she is alone.

7 months

right now i am listening to maizie scream her self to sleep while adam rocks her...bedtime is not her best time. so this month maizie has been perfecting everything that she was doing last month and i feel like there isnt much to tell you about that is new.

her first tooth has FINALLY made its way to the surface! the second one is on its way but is taking its sweet time. fingers crossed, it will be here this week.

maizie has started blowing raspberries on people. it cracks me up! when i pick her up from day care she will always give me a huge hug and then a sloppy kiss with a raspberry at the end.

she has started doing a full body shudder when she eats something she doesnt like or gets a flavor she wasnt expecting.

she loves baby dolls. as soon as she sees one she has to have it. if another kid has it she will take it.

maizie is getting used to hearing the word "no!", and the phrase "maizie, thats not for you!". she listens most of the time and will move away from whatever she is going for, but sometimes she just has to have whatever it is.

she is learning to whisper. she will whisper "da-da-da-da-da-da", and then smile and giggle a lot.

she is also learning to recognize herself on the camera after we take a picture. she gets really excited anytime she sees the camera and starts to smile.

maizie is so much fun and she is learning so much so fast it just amazes me.

gah!

so i used to be crazy good at keeping all of maizies 10 million blankets and things folded and put away...i even had a special order in how i put them away. lately though i have gotten to the point where its the ultimate triumph to put stuff away. not just maizies, but mine and adams too. and i hate it. i think i used to be pretty tidy but since moving, and maizies arrival i let things slide. somehow there is always an excuse to justify not doing something. so i guess i have to take away my lame excuses and send myself to tidiness boot camp. here goes. no more "i will do it tomorrow", "i just got home from work", "maizie was crying all day and i had to take care of her" (we all know that crying kids can cry in their bed or on the floor just as well as in your arms). from now on i will pick something up when leaving a room and take it with me to put it away, and i will clean up as i go along in projects. wow my boot camp is the wussy kind of boot camp, hopefully it works.

6 months

at this point six months ago we were at the birth center just starting to have contractions. it's really weird to think back to that time. it feels like a lifetime ago and at the same time not. maizie has changed so much and is able to do so much it's crazy!! i miss how she was, but love who she is becoming. every day she makes me laugh, and every day she learns something new. this last month has been a crazy month for her. here are a few of the things she is doing now:

maizie was army crawling around labor day and by the end of that week was really crawling. still a little wobbly but she was getting it and now has it down.

along with the crawling she started pulling and pushing herself up on things. she has had a few bumps on the head so far, but nothing too terrible.

she is tough. when she gets hurt she sort of fusses for a minute and then wants to get back to whatever she was doing.

maizie is finally sitting on her own on the floor. for a while she would lay on her side and play with toys but yesterday she pushed herself up and sat playing with her toys. now thats all she wants to do.

she is teething like crazy. she has been teething since she was like 2 months old, but now there is some hope on the horizon. there are a few minuscule points breaking through her gums so i sincerely hope her teeth come in now.

maizie is getting used to sleeping in her own bed...sort of. we got her a crib because she was too big for the cradle and i didnt like leaving her in our bed by herself. she likes the crib but still wont sleep through the night in it.

she pulls this funny face a lot where she tucks her bottom lip in her mouth and just sucks on it:



maizie is a talker! she loves to join in conversations or just have someone listen to her. she has been saying "dada"...i'm not gonna lie it makes me jealous and we have had many coaching sessions trying to get her to say "mama" but she just looks at me like i am crazy. someday she will get it.



when she eats she almost always points her index finger, jams it into the tabletop, and wobbles her hand back and forth. it's almost like she is demanding something be put "right here".

5 months

a sad confession: i keep forgetting to post this. part 2 of the confession...i even wrote this a week early so i wouldn't forget. that didnt work too well. so better late than never here is maizie's 5 month up date...a week late.

today maizie is 5 months old! i know i have said this before but the time is going by way too fast!!

maizie has found her feet. it doesnt matter where she is; she is almost always holding onto her toes, especially if i put socks on her. i am tempted to paint her toenails to see what she does. she has also become more interested in her hands. it's really sweet. one night after she was done feeding, she was laying on my lap, holding her hands up and turning them over and over, staring at them.

she likes to play peek-a-boo. she really likes it when you play with a blanket and kind of drag it over her.

maizie is becoming mobile. if you lay her on a blanket for some tummy time she will be off of it in five minutes or less. i consider this really good for a kid that doesnt realize that rolling more than once in the same direction would be faster than dragging herself inch by inch...if you dont tell her, i wont.

maizie loves the color orange. it's really awesome to see that she has a favorite color already. any toy with orange on it is bound to get a spit bath when she is around.

she likes to sit at the table with us in her very own chair. adams parents have a chair that hooks onto the table so she is right at our level. we give her toys and she will sit there for a long time scattering them and yelling at them. it makes me think of a little dictator and their army pieces planning strategies and then losing their temper and shoving them all to the floor.

maizie is getting pretty good at sitting up. she still tips but is going for longer amounts of time without help.

well that was as far as i got and planned to add more from the week leading up to her 5 months mark, so in that week she realized she could go more places with rolling. she also discovered pushing on her hands and knees...no not crawling, it's more belly flopping as she doesnt move her hands at the same time that she pushes with her knees. it wont be too long and she will get it down.

maizie also loves to eat peaches. every mouthful she has a big "mmmm...mmmm...mmm" to go with it.

maizie makes us laugh and brightens our lives, we are so grateful to be her parents!

4 months

maizie turned 4 months old on last tuesday. just one day after her tumble off of my lap. she had a follow up/4 month checkup on wednesday. she has successfully beaten everybody her age at being tall and weighs in at 18.3 pounds. she is officially off the charts in both categories. the doctor kept saying that if she was shorter and weighed the same then he would worry but that she is perfectly proportioned. this makes me happy, as we dont want any disproportioned kids in our house ;)

maizie might be one of the happiest kids i have ever met! she always has a huge smile on her face that makes everyone she meets light up.

she has recently taken to pulling my earrings out of my ears. not just the dangling ones; studs too. thankfully it doesnt hurt and she hasnt ripped my earlobes. along with the pulling of earrings, maizie likes to claw people, specifically their faces. i am currently sporting a red streak down my cheek from a temper tantrum in the doctor's office.

i am currently trying to teach her what "soft" means. maizie can be a rough little kid. i dont think that she is aware of how strong she actually is, especially when she is pulling you in for a kiss.

maizie is starting to sleep in her bed...sort of. she will lay in there for a while and then cry to be out. we were going to have her in there all night last night but i couldnt do it. it made my heart ache to not have her with us. so this process is going to be a long one, and it will mostly be because of me.

maizie has found her toes! its awesome when we put socks on her. through out the day she pulls at the toes of the socks so they are barely staying on her feet.

she is starting to last a little longer at church. its nice to be able to stay and hear most of what is being said.

gravity

this morning was interesting. at some point during the night, maizie woke up wanting to eat. seeing that she cant manage to eat while laying down, i have to get into the rocking chair to feed her. i dont really remember getting up or getting to the chair, but i did. then somewhere along the line, i fell to sleep and maizie continued eating and then fell to sleep. the next thing i know, i feel her sliding over the side of my lap and onto the floor headfirst! on the way down, she managed to flip a little, so her forehead hit the ground. i scooped her up as fast as i could and realized that no, that is not her head that i was trying to comfort, but her bum. as soon as i had her right side up, i flipped on the lights and woke adam up. this was at about 4:15 or so. i was totally freaked out and trying to explain to my bleary-eyed husband what happened while trying to not cry, and to get maizie to not cry. my poor baby! she was sobbing, and any time we touched her head, she would cry harder. we eventually got her calmed down enough to nurse a little. while she was nursing, we were trying to decide if we should take her to the emergency room or not. by the time we finally decided to go, maizie was asleep. that kind of made me nervous because with head injuries that is not a good sign. she was also puking a bit more than what i think is normal for her...another bad sign.

we got to the hospital and they took us right back. i guess that is the benefit of a hospital in a very small town. they were very nice, and very fast. maizie was awake again and very flirty with the intake nurses. they weighed her, took her temperature (rectally; talk about adding insult to injury), and took us back into the room where we waited for the doctor. we didnt have to wait more than 10 minutes and the doctor was there. he did a quick exam looking in her eyes for both pupil dilation and tracking, and then checked her reflexes and had her stand for a little while. after that, he said that he didnt think there was anything wrong but to keep an eye on her and if she acted out of her normal attitude or if there was any swelling or bleeding from the nose or ears to bring her in right away. he also said that if we wanted a cat scan, he would order one, but that if it was his child that he wouldnt worry about it, especially since there is a really high chance to cause brain cancer on someone so young. so we opted to not get a scan and brought maizie home.

after we got home, we all slept until about 10. today maizie stayed home with adam while i went to work. she was normal and played and slept and ate, which makes me feel so much better and not so worried.

we told a few people what happened and they all told us their horror stories of when they dropped their babies. it makes me feel a little better knowing that i am not the only one, but still so bad because i feel like it could have been prevented somehow. i am just grateful that maizie is ok.

Maizie's First Fourth of July

Last week was the Fourth of July. Not just any Fourth of July, though; it was Maizie's first Fourth of July! It was a Sunday, so we went to church for the first part of the day. I'm the ward clerk, so I usually go to church three hours before it starts so that I can attend the leadership meetings. However, two of the members of the bishopric were out of town, so we didn't have those meetings on the Fourth of July. It was pretty nice to be able to sleep in!

After church, Emily put the drawer liners in Maizie's dresser while Maizie and I slept. I slept for quite a long time, as I usually do on Sundays. Eventually I woke up and Emily and I did a little cleaning. Before too long, Emily's parents arrived. We talked for a little while and then went to the cemetery in Mount Angel to have dinner and watch the fireworks. I know that sounds like a super weird thing to do at a cemetery, but it has a big open field that's away from the gravesites, so it's not weird. Before we got everything all set up for dinner, I took some pictures of Maizie in her stroller. I really like these two:





For dinner we had chicken, potato salad, coleslaw, rolls, pickles, cheese, grapes, cherries, and probably other stuff I'm not thinking of. For dessert we had apple pie! After that, we talked for a while. Eventually Scott and Cody joined us. Scott and I played catch while we were waiting for the fireworks to start. As the time drew nearer, more and more people started to show up in the field. Emily and I think that there were probably about 20 little clusters of people scattered throughout the field, which was more than last year.

At around 10:00, the fireworks started. We had a great view of them, just like last year. They were beautiful, too. Emily and I were wondering how Maizie would respond to them. She actually did extremely well. For the first part, she just sat there, mesmerized. It was really cool to see. I got a video of it, but it's really dark, so I won't post it. After a while, Maizie started fussing, but it was just because she was tired; the fireworks didn't bother her at all.

The fireworks lasted for probably 20 minutes or so. After that, we went home and went to bed. So there you have it, Maizie's first Fourth of July. It went quite well!

maizie's dresser, and things that maizie is doing

we had been looking for a dresser for maizie for a long time. we finally found one on craigslist a couple of months ago. and i finally got around to painting it a couple of weeks ago. i decided that i wanted the body of it to be a dark purple, and the drawers to be hot pink. i also bought some new hardware for the drawers. on the 26th of june i finally got tired of it just sitting around waiting to be painted. i had adam drag the dresser out to the garage and we got started. it was pretty hot that day so it made it feel like it was taking forever. the purple only took 2 coats of paint but the drawers took 5!! yes, 5 coats. which i believe is lame, but worth the effort so i will stop complaining. here are the before and after pictures:







maizie has learned to roll over! i have to admit that i was getting a little worried because before this week she would roll just to either of her sides, sometimes going all the way over, most of the time not. i began to think that she didnt spend enough time on the floor and that she would never learn because maizie would rather have you hold her and cart her from place to place than have to learn to do it on her own. but this week she has surprised me. i had almost all of the week off from work so we could go camping with adam's family, and even though there were plenty of hands ready and willing to hold her, she was getting a lot of tummy time and now is really good at rolling over. she still prefers to be held like 95% of the time. maizie hasnt figured out that she can "travel" by rolling, which is something i am grateful for. she will get onto her tummy and turn around in a circle on her belly and then start to whine until someone rescues her. sometimes she will start to get her knees under her and try to scoot. i think it would work but her face keeps getting in the way and ground into the floor. along with the rolling over came a "u" shaped bald spot that goes around her head from temple to temple. i think we need to get lots of headbands and flowers for her.

here is a video adam recorded of maizie rolling over today:



maizie is now in a size 3 diaper and, incredibly, 9-12 month clothes!! but i think she has reached a bit of a plateau with her weight; she has been 17 1/2 pounds for a couple of weeks now.

she has learned how to give kisses! i love them. they are some of the sweetest kisses ever! maizie will put both of her hands on my cheeks or in my hair and pull me right in for a big wet one:



when she was first learning how to kiss she gave lots and lots of them, but now she is more stingy with them. i guess thats a good thing; i dont want her to kiss just anybody. she also gives hugs. and i love when i pick her up from daycare that i always get a huge squeeze from her.

maizie likes to flirt. i think this is why strangers feel like its ok to touch her...which it's not. most of all i think she likes to flirt with her dad. she will sit and stare at him and talk and try to get his attention. she works really hard to get him to look at her sometimes and she is patient, she wont give up until he smiles at her and talks for a bit.

maizie has started reaching. it's really cute to see her do it. sometimes she lunges for people, but other times she just stretches out her arms. i LOVE it! it's the best feeling when she is going for you, and then you get a hug to go with it.

3 months 7 days

ok i know i am a little late with this, but better late than never...right? maizie is over three months old!! i cant believe how the time has flown. maizie is getting so big already, she has definitely lost her newborn look. while i am happy that she is growing and thriving, it does make me sad that she didnt stay smaller a little longer. she is now over 16 pounds, more than double her birth weight. i thought we would be hitting that closer to six months.

maizie loves, loves, loves jumping! a friend of mine gave us a jumparoo, which is just like the jumping seats you can hang in the doorway but is on its own frame. she figured it out pretty quick. it makes noise when she jumps so she jumps more when she hears the songs it plays. there are also some spinning toys on there that she has gotten good at using:



she has gotten a little more coordinated with holding toys and getting them to her mouth. this is something that i am grateful for, and i am sure she is too, because she is teething so much. speaking of which, i am pretty sure that her chest is never dry because she drools so much. along with the drool has come bubbles. maizie figured out how to make spit bubbles. its pretty funny to watch her do. sometimes she gets a fairly big one and lets it sit on her tongue for a long time.

she is a very vocal baby and likes to talk back to you when you talk to her. she will also answer yes and no questions with uh huh and uh uh. adam thinks it's a coincidence but it happens too often to be a coincidence so i am sure she understands everything and is trying very hard to talk to us.

maizie is close to rolling over. she gets on one side or the other and then gets stuck. its pretty cute. she is also trying to scoot a little. she can get her knees under her so her butt is really high and her face is being ground into the floor as she pushes, but she is able to get around quite a bit like that.

as we were sitting at the dinner table on thursday night, maizie decided that she was hungry so she started pulling the place mat with my bowl on it towards her. i thought that she was just wanting to play with it, so i gave her the mat and kept the bowl. a few minutes later she had my bowl in her hands. that night, we decided to give her her first banana. she liked it well enough but wasnt too excited, so we got some applesauce which she seems to like better. today if i let too much time in between, spoonfuls she would cry.

with a little help, maizie can pull herself into a standing position. a couple of weeks ago, after changing her diaper, i was helping her stand and she actually "walked" up onto my leg. i put the quotes because had i not been holding her under her arms, it wouldnt have happened. but she was alternating her legs on her own and very deliberately. i couldnt believe it, so i set her down and tried it again and she did it again. i think we are in for an early walker.

maizie is becoming a pro at hair-pulling. she especially likes grabbing the hair at the back of my neck. and when shes really ticked off she likes to claw my face, so we keep her nails short. i feel sorry for anybody she gets in a fight with.

maizie is an awesome little girl with lots of smiles and plenty of spunk. i am excited to see her grow more and to see more of her personality.

teething

maizie is teething like crazy! the poor kid. i felt around her gums the other day and not only are the bottom front teeth moving around so are the canines. and she is pretty miserable. the other night even after pain medicine and some teething tablets she had to cry herself to sleep in my arms. i felt so bad. she kept stuffing her hand in her mouth and doing this sad little wa-aaah cry that i am embarrassed to say i think is pretty cute. i feel bad saying a cry is cute but there it is. finally after what seemed like and hour she passed out fist in her mouth and all. needless to say she has been drooling like no other. her neck and chest are constantly wet from all of the drool. its gross, but i guess it is better than puke. speaking of puke, that has increased by like 100% during this exciting time. we have tried using the baby oragel but she hates it and cries even more when i give it to her.

at night she is not sleeping very well at all. up and down all night. that means i get to be up and down all night too. the other day maizie was up every hour or less from midnight until i decided to stay up around six. i think we both are hating life at the moment.

on the bright side she is really happy during the day and smiles a lot. she will also let me put her in the swing for extended amounts of time, which is a development i really like. maizie also has a jumping seat type thing that i can put her in and she loves it and hasnt cried once to be taken out of it. i think i will build a shrine to the person who invented it. they really are a genius.

Memorial Day Weekend

Today was Maizie's first Memorial Day. This is how the weekend went down:

Saturday, May 29th

We didn't do anything really exciting or noteworthy on Saturday. We did get paint for Maizie's dresser, though. Emily found the dresser on craigslist and we picked it up on Thursday the 27th. We're going to be painting the dresser itself dark purple and its drawers pink.

Sunday, May 30th

We went to church. It was my second Sunday as the ward clerk. Maizie did pretty well in sacrament meeting, but throughout the rest of church she got more and more fussy, so Emily ended up going home about a half hour early.

After church, we quickly ate because we needed to go to the church in Woodburn so that I could be set apart as ward clerk. My mom made sausage, eggs, and toast for us, which was awesome! Sadly, we didn't have time for the waffles that she was making. When we got to the church in Woodburn, we found out that I actually marked it wrong in my calendar and we were an hour early! They were able to make an adjustment and get us in, though, so we didn't have to wait very long. After that, we went home, got ready, and went up to Cody's house for the family reunion for Scott's family.

At the family reunion, I got to meet Scott's sister, Michelle. Now that I've met her, I've officially met all of Scott's siblings. The funny thing about that is that I still can't say that I've met all of Emily's siblings! I still have to meet her brother.

Scott and Cody just got two trampolines, so we jumped on those for a while. It's been years since I've jumped on a big trampoline like that! It was pretty fun. I got quite a lot of air. Since it had been so long, though, I was somewhat hesitant to do any flips. Emily's cousin, Casey, was trying to get me to do one. He said, "You'll be fine! Just do this!" and he proceeded to bounce on his back at an odd angle and ended up hurting himself! It was pretty funny.

We had a nice dinner and a good time talking with everybody. We left at around 8:00 or so. Shortly after we were past the gravel road and onto the pavement, our front left tire went flat! Although Emily had a spare tire and lug wrench in her trunk, her jack was broken. We were very lucky, though, because it was still light out, it wasn't raining, it wasn't far from Cody's house, and Emily's cell phone had a signal. Casey and his dad, Brent, came to our rescue, which we were very grateful for! We were back on the road in no time.

When we got home, we talked with my parents and took some pictures of Maizie. Here is one of my favorites:

Monday, May 31st

I wore red, white, and blue today and didn't even mean to! It was my Relient K T-shirt and blue jeans.

We went to Salem to get new front tires for Emily's car and also to spend time with Emily's family. The tire shops were closed, though, so we decided to just drive carefully and get tires tomorrow instead (Emily's spare tire is an extremely good one). We went to Brent's house and had a good breakfast. Since there were a lot of kids there, we watched part of one of the Land Before Time movies. I just looked it up and they have thirteen movies! Crazy!

Before long, we headed over to River Road Park, where we played games and talked. The two games I played were ladder golf and horseshoes. I haven't played horseshoes since I was a kid. I was actually able to get two ringers and a leaner!

We left the park at around 1:45 and went home. My brother and his family were visiting. We had a nice meal with various styles of hot dogs, pasta salad, and corn. We didn't really do much other than talk, though. But Jill took an awesome picture of me and Maizie:



Other than that, we just slept and watched Better Off Ted and Wonderfalls.

two months

today maizie turned two months old. its gone by in a blur of sleepless nights and sometimes maizie crying to the point where i want to cry with her. but there is so much that maizie has started doing and it's all so cute it makes up for the zombie-like state that i find myself in almost daily.

you might have thought that maizie was the most adorable baby in the world, but now that she is smiling and laughing she definitely is the most adorable baby ever! ok i might be biased. she has started laughing a little when she is awake but when she is asleep is when we get the best laughs of all. truly it is the most beautiful noise i can imagine.

i believe that maizie is a genius. now i know that all parents say that about their kids but really she is. you want proof? ok, maizie is starting to turn from side to side, grasp at things, AND she has her own sign language! it's true. when she is hungry she will pat her mouth with the back of her hand and wait somewhat patiently for me to catch on to her hint. if that doesnt work then she adds her other hand to the mix and pats her mouth with both at the same time. and if i still dont get it she will add a little bit of a cry to the double handed pat. i know, it's like i said, genius. maizie will also coo when you talk to her, and she loves to look at pictures on the walls. this is motivation for me to put up as many pictures and decorations as i can find.

maizie had her two month check up yesterday. she is 25.25 inches long and 13.6 pounds!! she is thriving to say the least. i have already put away all of her newborn clothes and it makes me so sad. i thought she would be just a little smaller for a little longer. we think that maizie is teething. i know eveyone we tell says "no way she is too young." but there is a way, i had my first teeth by the time i was 4 months old. i feel so bad for her because she is so fussy and isn't coordinated enough to be able to hold something to chew on. she does manage to get her fist in her mouth though.

we are so excited to have maizie in our lives and we look forward to seeing all of the awesome things she is going to do!

maizies blessing

today maizie is five weeks and one day old. she was blessed today. it was beautiful, and perfect. i have been thinking about today since i found out i was pregnant. it was almost like planning a wedding for me. ok not a wedding, but it was a big deal to me. growing up i remember going to blessings for members of my extended family and always there were a kajillion people there and tons and tons of food...or maybe i am remembering just about every other holiday and family get together. either way thats what i kept thinking about as i was planning this. it all went perfect, i think.

friday adam actually had a vaction day planned which worked out well seeing that we needed to get all the food and stuff for the lunch after the blessing. we went to get it at costco and while we were in town we stopped by my parents to get maizie's blessing dress. my mom made maizies blessing dress out of the leftover silk and crystals from my wedding dress. it's beautiful!

saturday i spent the morning holding maizie and trying to get her into a sound sleep. she wasnt having that. so she had to fuss a little while i started cooking all the food. we had brisket with veggies, pasta salad, deviled eggs, and little quiche squares that adams mom made. my mom also made a huge cake for dessert. it took all day to get everything done, especially having to take breaks to feed maizie. so saturday night was late for us, and maizie was incredibly fussy on top of it. poor baby. we have had to start giving her formula during the week for some of her feedings and its not really agreeing with her and she lets us know about it.

because maizie was so fussy on saturday i didnt have high hopes for her being in a really great mood today. i had visions of her screaming through the blessing finishing off with her cat cry and then having to leave because i couldnt comfort her. but she woke up this morning in really good spirits, and fell into a really deep sleep before we left. i didnt put her dress on until we got to the chapel so it wouldnt get too wrinkled before the blessing. she didnt even wake up for that and it took a while to get it on her. so then we sat and waited and i think the wait was an eternity for adam. i dont envy him. he normally doesnt get nervous but with this he was. i could actually see it in his face and attitude. finally it was time. adam, my dad, his dad, and his brother went to the front of the chapel and gave maizie her first blessing. it was very sweet and beautiful. maizie slept through it, much to my relief. after the sacrament meeting was over we left to go eat at home.

there were quite a few people here, and it got really loud! there were lots of little kids and chatting adults. much like when i was growing up. maizie slept through it all. my mom took a turn holding maizie around 2:00 and woke her up trying to adjust her dress that was bunched up around her armpits. that was when maizie decided it was time to eat. so i took her and changed her and fed her. we were able to get back out to the party fairly quickly.

i am so grateful for everyone who was able to come and celebrate and share in this day with us. we really enjoyed having everyone!

Maizie's First Time at Church

We took Maizie to church for the first time today. We only stayed for sacrament meeting, though, because it's my brother's birthday and we're going to be leaving soon to go visit him and his family.

Getting ready for church went very well. We woke up with lots of time to get ready, so we weren't very rushed. We even had time to take a family picture before we left:



Surprisingly, we were able to arrive at church early. Not on time, but early! That's pretty much a miracle in my book :)

I was expecting to get bombarded by everybody wanting to see Maizie (which would have been fine), but it wasn't bad at all. We sat down at the row nearest to the door, just in case Emily had to take Maizie out. She did very well right from the beginning. She was just calmly looking at the people behind us. The prelude music didn't seem to bother her at all. The music for the actual singing was much louder, though. We were thinking it would bother her, but it actually didn't! The three songs we sang throughout sacrament meeting were "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty", "Reverently and Meekly Now", and "Lead Me into Life Eternal". She was completely fine for all of them. In fact, she slept through the last one!

The only time that Maizie got fussy was right after we got the bread during the passing of the sacrament. Emily had to take her out to feed her, but that was it. I'm glad it went well!

Maizie's Birth: Her Father's Perspective

At 8:16 tonight, Maizie will be exactly three weeks old. I have yet to write about my perspective of her arrival, so I'd better do that now while it's still pretty fresh in my mind.

On Friday, March 19th (the day before Maizie was born), the midwives, Emily, and I all knew that Maizie was bound to be born that weekend. There was no question about that anymore; the remaining question was simply when it would happen during that weekend. That was kind of a weird feeling for me, knowing that she was so close to being there and that it was actually a sure thing this time. It was like a butterflies in the stomach sort of feeling. I was still trying to distract myself, though. I played a lot of Solitaire and Minesweeper. We also watched FlashForward. It took forever to get through the episode (part one of Revelation Zero), though, because the midwives needed to check up on Emily quite frequently.

Once nighttime came, Emily's signs of labor were at the point where we thought it was going to happen really soon, like within the next twelve hours or so. At that point, I was getting pretty excited. I called Emily's parents to give them an update. Her mom was the one who I talked to. She seemed so excited and also kind of like she didn't know what to say because it all started happening so suddenly and she couldn't believe that labor was finally here, and therefore Maizie would soon be here too!

Emily tried laboring in the water and out of the water. The whole time, I was sitting there in a surreal state. It was so weird to me that we were this close! Eventually I got so tired that I had to sleep. That was around 3:00 AM, I think. I only slept for a couple hours, though. Maybe three. I can't really remember. I don't think I would've been able to tell you even back then. Everything was such a blur. But I do remember waking up and looking at Emily while she was having a contraction. She was squatting by the side of the bed, but I could see her face. She looked so beautiful to me! She always does, but right then there was something about the way she looked that just really stood out. I know that sounds weird since she was in the middle of a contraction, but it's true!

The next morning at maybe 6:00, I got up to continue supporting Emily in any way that I could. She wanted to try going back in the bathtub, so that's what she did. She stayed in there for a really long time. After a couple hours, I fell asleep in my chair. I was so tired. I had my laptop in there with http://onlineclock.net/ on the screen. That way, if Maizie was born, we would know the exact minute. I'm kind of weird about time and I didn't really trust that the midwives' watches would be accurate down to the minute. Emily didn't like that I had the clock, though. She kept saying, "I don't want the clock in here!" I just moved it out of her view, though.

At one point, Emily said that she felt like she was going to throw up. Let me just tell you right now that I had never once seen Emily throw up. I've known her since around September of 2007, which was about two and a half years. Never during that time did she throw up. But on this day, she actually threw up. I had to plug my ears because I don't like the sound of vomit splashing. She ended up throwing up two more times, too. I felt really bad for her.

Even before Emily had thrown up, she was having a hard time with her back pain. Now that she had thrown up, though, the back pain was even worse. She kept having me apply pressure to the lower-left portion of her back using my fist and rotating it.

We tried a lot of things to help Emily get into full-blown labor. She tried a birthing stool, which looked pretty much just like this:



I was behind her doing the rotating fist motion on her back. Whenever a contraction would come, she would scream and grab onto one of the bedposts. I tried to comfort her, but there wasn't much that anybody could do.

There were a lot of times that Emily would say "I can't do this anymore," but we all kept trying to reassure her. It was so hard to watch Emily in so much pain. It felt like the kind of nightmare that you would give just about anything to end. Emily was such a trooper, though. She did really, really well. I can't emphasize that enough.

Hours passed and it continued to be very difficult for us. I won't go into detail, though, because it's pretty personal and emotional. I'll just skip ahead to about 5:00 PM. It was then that Emily said that there was no way she could continue without drugs because the back pain was simply too much to bear. After the decision was final, I packed up our stuff and put it in the car. I could have gone with Emily in the ambulance to the hospital, but then we wouldn't have our stuff with us and we'd have to arrange to have the car picked up. I didn't want to deal with that, so I just took the car by myself.

After I left, I realized that in my flurry of packing up our stuff, I put both of our cell phones in my pocket. It was then that this dreaded thought entered my mind: what if Maizie was born in the ambulance? I wouldn't be there for it! That thought really scared me. I said many prayers, asking that I would be able to be there when our child was born. I got to the hospital and had to wait. That was probably the most antsy I've ever been. Eventually, one of the employees told me that she thought the ambulance I was waiting to arrive had arrived. I looked out and saw them, but I didn't see Emily. I was anxious to get to them. The employee took me down there. If I recall correctly, I got to go the staff route to get down there, which was cool.

When I saw Emily in the stretcher, it was clear that Maizie hadn't been born yet, which was a huge relief. I said a prayer of thanks (or perhaps multiple prayers of thanks). Emily was in a lot of pain, though. We went to the room and got her on the bed. It was really hard for me to watch Emily sit in that bed screaming. I wanted her to get an epidural probably close to as bad as she wanted to get an epidural! But, of course, the hospital has a protocol with that, which had to be followed. They asked a lot of questions. When they asked her where her pain level was at on a scale of one to ten, she, of course, said, "Ten!". Their follow-up question to that was pretty ridiculous: "Where would you like your pain level to be on a scale of one to ten?" Wow! Do they really think anybody would give an answer other than "one"?

It took a while, but Emily was eventually given an intrathecal. After that, she looked so much better, which was a great relief to me. They asked her where her pain level was at now and she said "Zero!" It was awesome. There was one lady there that was super nice. Her name was Elizabeth. She was a sweet older lady who kept telling Emily how good she was doing. She was the one who started Emily's pushing. She had to leave, though, so somebody named Nicole came and took her place. She was really nice, too. Also, there was another girl there who was there for the non-stress test we had on Tuesday the 16th.

When Emily was pushing, Patricia (the midwife who rode in the ambulance with Emily) held one leg, I held the other, and Nicole did the rest. At one point, both Nicole and Patricia were saying that they could see the head. I looked and I could see something, but my mind didn't really identify it as a head. Later, though, when the head was more visible, I was able to tell that it was a head and then what I saw earlier became more clear to me. At this point, I was starting to feel like, "Whoa, this is really happening!" It was kind of a weird feeling. I'm sure it would have been weird no matter what, but I'm betting the fact that I was super tired made it even more weird. I was getting excited. Eventually, it was time to bring the doctor in. When Nicole went to push the button, the doctor walked in. He had been watching the monitors elsewhere and could tell it was time for him to be there. He was a cool doctor and was actually the one who talked to us about the non-stress test on Tuesday the 16th. When he got there, he said that he thought the baby would be born in the next 20 minutes (I believe that was the number he said). It was quite weird to hear that.

Emily kept pushing. At this point, I was holding her right leg because I was told that the left side of the bed had to be open for the "sea of blue" to have room later on. As time went on, more and more of the head was becoming visible. It was a weird feeling. It looked like the head was kind of caved in, which was somewhat concerning to me, but I figured it was normal since none of the hospital staff was saying anything about it. Eventually, the doctor said that he thought Emily could do it in one more push. It was crazy! Maizie was about to arrive! The time came for Emily to push, and push she did. She pushed so hard. If I remember right, Emily usually pushed three times during each contraction. This time, however, she pushed a lot more than three times. I was really amazed. After one of them, the doctor said, "You got more or do you need a break?" To my surprise, Emily kept right on pushing! The doctor kept telling her how close she was. I was telling her the same thing. Finally, Maizie came out! Immediately, Emily said, "She's so blue!" Everybody in the room then said, "It's normal! It's normal!" It was kind of funny. The doctor then had me cut the umbilical cord. The cord was stronger than I thought it would be, but I was able to cut it just fine. Since there was a possibility that Maizie had inhaled meconium, they couldn't immediately put her on Emily's chest. Instead, they took her a little ways away from the bed to do whatever it is they do. Emily was crying, but I couldn't tell if it was because she couldn't hold Maizie or if it was because of pain. Although I was anxious for Emily and me to be able to hold her, I wasn't really sad that we couldn't yet because I understood the necessity of what they were doing. Not only that, but I was in too much of a state of awe to be sad. The hospital staff who were doing stuff with Maizie had her sit up and look at us. They also lifted her arm and made her wave to us. Maizie was crying, of course. Eventually, they put her on Emily's chest. I was still in a state of awe. I think I was pretty speechless for a long time. I just couldn't believe that she was finally here!

It was really fun to watch Emily interact with her. I think the first thing I noticed about her was how much her tongue was moving. I also thought she had big hands. Both her hands and her feet were really gray and wrinkly. Eventually it was my turn to hold her. It was kind of a weird feeling. I don't really remember much of it. I don't think that's because I'm writing this three weeks later, either; I think it's because that whole time was such a blur and I was so tired!

If I had to describe Emily's labor and delivery in a single word I would probably say "difficult". Two words? "Difficult" and "emotional". If I had to describe Maizie's arrival in a single word I would probably say "surreal". Two words? "Surreal" and "amazing". It was truly great. I suppose there's more I could write, but I'm satisfied with what I've written. Maizie is an amazing child and we're so happy to have her in our lives!

all about our girl

we had maizie three weeks ago but it seems so much longer than that. there are so many things about her that i LOVE!

she can smile already, and i know it's not gas because she cries when she has gas. sometimes when she is sleeping she will laugh. it's not a full laugh yet, but the beginnings of one.

maizie likes to look at things. i usually feed and burp her in our bed which is against a brown wall. she got tired of looking at the wall and lets me know it anytime i try to burp her facing the wall.

she can already scoot. i had her on a blanket for some tummy time and she managed to get across the blanket in about 5 minutes.

she has already outgrown many of her newborn outfits but still doesnt quite fit into her 3 month outfits.

maizie has super cute feet that have super long toes on them. sometimes when she is really excited to eat she will lace a few of her toes together like you would your fingers. i wish i had a picture of it.

maizie also loves music! which makes me happy because i love music too. my goal is to get a lot of instruments to have around the house so our kids can play with them any time they want.

she is sleeping fairly well for a newborn. she has a really hard time getting to sleep but once she is down she is out for about 5 to 6 hours; sometimes more.

when she is getting hungry at night, maizie will start to smack her lips in her sleep. she never cries for food at night; in fact, i have to wake her up to eat when i hear the smacking. she is also one of the noisiest eaters i have ever met! she really appreciates her food. before she starts eating, she has this little excited cry and starts to shake a little, sometimes making it hard to get her started. then after she is going, she hums while she is eating. it's the best!

maizie has the same look on her face every time she cries. adam has taken enough pictures of her crying that you could crop them to be just her face and you would swear they were all the same picture. she also has the most adorable pouting face, it melts me every time.

Emily's Labor and Delivery Story Video

I'm guessing that pretty much everybody who reads this will already know Emily's labor and delivery story, but I thought it would be good to have the story told by Emily on video. So if you're interested, here you go:

Part 1:



Part 2:



Part 3:

who knew

today maizie's umbilical cord fell off. it was worrying me since yesterday because it was bleeding a little so today i asked the doctor about it and she said yeah thats totally normal, and some fall off sooner than this (three days). after that, adam went with her to do a blood test to check just how jaundice she really is. i couldnt go because i knew that they were going to stab her and make her cry, which in turn makes me cry. i was waiting in the room for them to come back and i was fully expecting to hear her screaming, but when adam walked in she was totally calm. but we did find out that it is a normal reaction to poop yourself when you get stabbed, which is what she did. so we opened the blanket up to start to change her and—surprise—the umbilical cord is sitting there with some mucous and is almost completely unattached. it scared me because i thought we still had another day or so before that would happen. we still have to be careful with her and we cant bathe her until all the little scabs are gone.

Videos of Maizie

23 hours and 39 minutes old:



Crying:



Crying just a little bit, but mostly whimpering:



Crying:

maizie jane

maizie jane was born on march 20 at 8:16pm after 29 hours of labor, 17 hours and 16 minutes of which were considered active labor. she weighed in at 8 pounds 0.6 ounces, and is 20.5 inches long. she has very dark hair and a lot of it. she also came out with not one but two hickies on her right arm. her tongue never stops moving and she likes to suck on her middle and ring finger on her right hand. maizie startles easily, which leads to some of the cutest cries i have ever heard! in between each wail she will do a high pitched gasp; i will always know when my baby is crying because of that gasp. maizie already has a very steady gaze. she will stare at you for a long time and coos a little when you talk to her. other than getting startled easily maizie is a very calm baby. there is no way to explain the love i have for her, and i dont want to share her with anyone. as soon as i hand her over to someone i want her right back.

as i mentioned before, labor was ridiculously long, and unbelievably painful. my goal with the birth was to do a 100% natural child birth. and i lasted almost all of the way and then i couldnt do it anymore. right around 6 in the morning i was told i was 9cm dilated and that i would probably start to push soon. so we filled the tub and i got in. for the next 5 hours i was in the tub still violently contracting and to top it off, vomiting. because i was vomiting during contractions it made my back spaz out. it really was the worst feeling ever. i knew then that i wouldnt be able to do a natural birth. i think i even said it a few times. but i really wanted to be dedicated to my plan and i really wanted to do what i thought would be best. and i continued to labor at the birth center. it was getting to the point that i knew i needed to go to the hospital. i couldnt push because the back pain was too intense and it magnified each of the contractions by 100%. i said that i needed to be transferred and that i couldnt do it anymore. the midwives asked if adam and i wanted to talk about it to see if thats what i really wanted to do. adam gave me a blessing at the time and i tried to carry on. it went on for a couple more hours with no progress. maizie wasnt coming down any further in the birth canal, i was losing what energy i had left and the back pain was only making everything worse. at that point i decided i was done. i told them to call an ambulance and to take me to get the medicine that i needed. the midwives asked again if adam and i wanted to talk about it, and i said no, i already know that i cant and i need to go.

the ambulance was called. but the ambulance people who volunteer to do it all had to drive to the fire station that is about 15 miles away from the birth center. guess where they all live...the same street as the birth center. and because i was not in a life-threatening situation, we couldnt say "it's an emergency; please speed." we had to go with "she changed her mind about the whole natural thing and would now like drugs. can you take her?" it took them about half an hour to get there. the whole time i was having contractions that were 5 minutes apart and doing nothing but causing me to be in agony. part of the reason things were not progressing is maizie had her head aimed towards my right hip, preventing her from being able to go down the birth canal. finally the ambulance gets there, they take me and get me all ready and BUCKLE me down. really, are you kidding me? it was horrible not being able to move during a contraction. they take me and put me in the ambulance and then the driver says he needs to use the bathroom. what? no, i need medicine and it's not my fault you didnt think about your bladder before you left your house like half an hour ago. cross your legs and drive; you can pee later. but i, of course, couldnt say that because i was in too much pain. finally the dude gets in and we go. it was the longest drive of my life. the more i tried to relax, the worse it got. somewhere along the line, maizie decided that she would happily turn to get into position. this made the contractions worse and more frequent. by this point i am that crazy pregnant lady that you expect to murder anybody that breathes the wrong way and is blaming her husband for everything. i couldnt help but yell because of the pain, and i am sorry for the hearing loss of those around me. we finally got to the hospital, they take me in and i tried my best to be quiet. i really did. but i couldnt help it; i started stuttering and moaning and as soon as i got into the room i had to let it out. if there were any teenagers witnessing this it would be guaranteed they would not be having sex because they wouldnt want to end up like "that lady".

the sweet nurses were trying to do the intake as fast as they could and i had to try to answer questions for them. ha! nice try on that one. i kept asking for the medicine, they all told me i had to wait for the doctor to examine me. the entire time i was still yelling when the contractions were coming. they kept telling me to "bare down", and i kept thinking "is nobody understanding that my back wont let me bare down? wouldnt i have just finished this if i could bear down during a contraction?" so the doctor comes in and he checks me and says, "you know youre too far along for an epidural...", i start to freak out a little more in my head at this point, "but what i think you would be a great candidate for is an intrathecal...". he did try to explain what it was but i already said "fine, do it, great do it now, where's the anesthesiologist?" and he still was trying to explain it. finally the anesthesiologist came in and starts explaining things again to me. and i couldnt let her get a word in edgewise, i just kept saying, "great, lets do it, ok, just do it" finally they had me sign the release and they started to get me ready. the whole time they were explaining what they were going to be doing and, thinking about it now, the last thing i remember is her saying "ok i am going to numb the skin now." and i remember her numbing it and saying that "feels good." how sad is it when getting numbed to be even more numbed that it's a relief to you. a short time later, all of the pain medication was in and i couldnt feel any pain. it was like i got my personality back, i could talk again, without stuttering or yelling, i actually had a desire to push, and the contractions and back pain became a bad memory. i was able to talk to people and focus. life was good. and a few minutes later i was able to start pushing.

after a couple of pushes they were able to see maizie's head, and after a few more we were ready for the doctor, who walked in as soon as they pressed the button to call him. maizie was born after about 20 minutes of pushing. i didnt get to hold her right away because there was meconium in the water and they didnt want her to inhale any of it. so the nicu had to check her out first. and even though she was only feet away from me i couldnt help but cry. i needed to hold her. after she was checked out they gave her to me and life was complete! i could look into her eyes and smell her and kiss her and it was perfect, the last 29 hours were a blur. she was here. adam was able to watch the whole thing, front and center and he even cut her umbilical cord. adam was an amazing support to me the entire time. anything i wanted, he did. i am so grateful for him and for how it all turned out, even though it wasnt how i planned i am grateful for the ending. here is my favorite picture so far:

breaking the water...

today is the day that we thought we were going to break the water...notice how i say "thought". i believe that my water broke all on its own on tuesday, march 16. all day on tuesday i was having contractions. most of the time they were about 5 minutes apart, but there were some times that they were anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes apart. after dinner i was pushing the chairs in around the table and all of a sudden my pants were wet. i thought maybe i lost control of my bladder, but the more i think about it, the more i know that it was my water breaking. when you pee—even when you are almost 2 weeks over due—you definitely know that you are peeing yourself and have lost control. this was nothing like that.

when it happened, i called angie, the midwife who is over my care. i told her what had happened and that i wasnt sure, but i thought my water broke. so did she have me come in to get checked? no. she wanted me to see if the contractions formed any pattern and got stronger because the contractions i was having were not painful at all. at most it just made it a little hard to breathe, but i could still talk through it. she also wanted me to go and have a non stress test to go along with the second ultrasound just to make sure things were all good.

ok so we go to the hospital and they hook me up to the monitors and i am having contractions 3 to 4 minutes apart but still not painful. on the scale from 1 to 12 that they use i think the "biggest" one was about a 6 or 7, which, to me, didnt really hurt. adam and i decided that since we were already halfway to the birth center that we should stick around salem for a while to see if anything happens. we went to target and walked around for about an hour. during that time, the contractions stayed the same pain wise and were still about 3 to 4 minutes apart; at most they were 5. they were also getting to the point where i would have to stop walking. i also had to pee, so we decided to sit down for a little while. when i was in the bathroom i didnt notice any contractions, so that made it look like they stopped for about 10 minutes. but after we sat for a few minutes they were back to normal, 5 minutes apart. i called angie and asked her what we should do. her answer: go home and sleep, take a bath, etc., and hopefully the contractions would continue to get stronger and then give her a call.

we went home and—surprise!—i was able to sleep through the night. i was still leaking water; not a ton, but enough to need a pad or risk the chance of looking like i peed myself again. when i talked to angie again, i told her that i was still leaking but no regular contractions anymore. did she say she wanted me to come in and see if my water really is broken? nope. just take it easy, go for a walk, take a bath, eat something. i was getting slightly annoyed at this point and was kind of scared to do anything that might cause me to lose any more fluid, so i pretty much stayed in bed all day on wednesday; i only got up to pee and get more water.

on thursday (yesterday) it was kind of the same thing! angie called to check in with me but there was still no change at that point. i didnt do anything again in fear that i would lose more water. but by the time adam got home i was getting restless and thinking that i was having good contractions when i was walking so lets go for a walk and get them going again and that will be it. on the walk i definitely felt the water leaking out so i told adam that i really thought my water was broken, and called angie as soon as we got home. so finally she was like, "ok, we can check you." and we set up a time and then she called me back to have me do a "roll over test" which is to get some toilet paper, put it in your underwear, and then lay on your side, go to your back, and then to the other side. this should make some fluid leak out if your water is broken. it didnt work; there was no fluid when i got done. i called her and told her that and it sounded like she was trying to tell me not to worry about it and it felt like she was trying to get out of checking me but i insisted.

on the way to the birth center, i kept doubting myself and thinking that i was just making a big deal out of nothing, and feeling horrible. we got here and waited for a while; angie was running behind. she called to let me know that the lady who was cleaning would let us in. so we went in and i did the urine test and things were way out of whack. there were trace amounts of protein, my pH was off, i was slightly dehydrated, and there was blood in the urine. sounds amazing, right? so i am all freaked out while we are waiting for her to get here. angie got here about 10 minutes after i did the pee test. i told her all the results and we talked for a few minutes, she took my blood pressure and then she did the exam and test to see if the water is broken. guess what, it was and the little q-tip thing that tests the pH of the water was as dark as you can get! so i wasnt crazy, my water did break and i was probably headed towards labor on tuesday had she listened to me.

after the exam, we were given the option to go home or to stay at the birth center. i chose to go home because i thought i would be more comfortable and be able to start labor easier. thats not how it worked out. i did get a little more sleep than i would have at the birth center, but labor didnt start. i slept through all the contractions that i did have, which i dont think were all that many. but i woke up about 5 this morning, worried, and forced myself back to sleep and then again at 6, still worried. i couldnt stop thinking about my sister who had to have an emergency c-section because the doctor didnt catch the fact that her water broke and she lost all the fluid. i was crying and having horrible worries and it made me feel really discouraged and like i didnt want to go back to the birth center. so i was dragging my feet getting ready, i didnt even try to wake adam up. eventually i knew we had to go, so we did and we got here about 1:00.

patricia, who is the midwife i started out with, was here and doing my intake papers. i really have missed having her as my midwife. she could tell right away that i was out of sorts and asked me how things were. i feel more comfortable with her and i really wish that i could have kept her as my main person. but, as it is, i cant. she will be here, though, and that makes me feel much better. after she finished all of the paperwork, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the heart tones of the baby. then said that we could walk, but just be back in an hour so she could check the heart tones of the baby again. it was a relief to be able to be outside. it's been a gorgeous day and we were able to walk through some beautiful farms. while we were out i had a few contractions but nothing painful...i think i am one of those ladies who just doesnt feel it til the end.

when we got back they had a breast pump waiting for me for "nipple stimulation". it's one of the natural ways they induce labor because it will make your body produce oxytocin which is the natural form of pitocin. i dont know whats more awkward, as far as natural methods go, the castor oil or the breast pump. either way it is not much fun, but i think the breast pump method at least has more merit than the castor oil and you can control it more.

right now it's about 6:30. and we have been having contractions regularly, but no pattern. i keep hoping for a pattern and for it to form quickly because i cant take much more of this. i just want to hold my baby and be moving on with our lives, instead of wondering what is going to happen next.

41 weeks and no end in sight

today we hit 41 weeks. we also got to have another bio-physical ultrasound and a slightly unproductive appointment with the midwife. we have been praying and trying to decide if we want to have my water broken because of the high blood pressure. adam and my dad also gave me a blessing. so far i have not come to a decision either way. both of our options, waiting for a spontaneous labor and inducing, have risks. it's trying to decide which is less risky that is the hard part. most of me says that waiting will be ok and things will go well. but then there is this really pesky tiny part of me that is panicking and even though it is a small part it has a very loud voice and trying to weigh my options without that panic taking over is really killing me. the other hard thing is that i was pretty sure that desiree wouldn't let me go this week without scheduling to induce. at the last appointment she was sure about it, but now she isn't. i am grateful for her listening to me and trying to help me have the birth that i want but i also feel that at this point i need someone to tell me what to do. i almost don't feel capable of making this decision.

on a lighter note, during the ultrasound today we got to see our beautiful baby girl. she was busy sticking her tongue out and licking her fingers and doing all these adorable things. the pictures weren't as good as last week's so we wont mess with putting them up.

quick update

yesterday we went for a bio-medical-i-don't-really-know-the-name ultrasound. the whole purpose of the ultrasound is to look at everything that is going on with the baby, the placenta, how much water is in there with her, her growth—everything. the reason why the midwives wanted this is to be able to see if there was something going on with the placenta in particular because most often when a mom's blood pressure spikes it's because there is something going on with the placenta and it's a way of telling you the baby needs to be born or something needs to be done as soon as possible. i dont understand why they waited a week to have us do that but whatever. we got the results back and we scored 8 out of 8, meaning i have made everything in there super nice and cozy and maizie will never ever want to be born! it's a relief to know that things are looking good though.

The Feelings of a Father-To-Be

As Emily noted in a previous blog post, I've been pretty anxious for Maizie to be born ever since Emily got to be around 37 weeks pregnant. Since the time that this feeling of anxiety first hit me up until the time I started my paternity leave (Friday the 5th), I was able to distract myself on weekdays thanks to my job. Weekends were pretty killer, though, since I was just sitting around at home. Overall, I would say I was doing pretty well with staying sane.

Lately, however, my sanity has been a little more questionable. You see, when we found out that Emily was going to be induced on Friday the 5th, we assumed that it was a pretty sure thing that Maizie would be born either that day or the next day. Because of this, I decided to start my paternity leave on Friday the 5th and then return to work on Monday the 22nd. But as it turns out, the birthing center's definition of "induction" is not the same as it is for most people in America. Remember, this is a natural birthing center we're talking about. Although we did see some results from what they did, it didn't send Emily into labor. In other words, what we were so sure was going to happen didn't happen. And since I'm on paternity leave, I no longer have my job to distract me with. I could go back, but it would be a pretty big hassle and I'm not even sure it would be a very effective distraction anymore since we're past Emily's due date.

This is how it's been lately:

I wake up in the morning wondering "is today the day?" I then try to go about my day and do normal things, but I have a hard time focusing on anything other than wondering "is today the day?" Any time Emily makes a sound that has the slightest hint of discomfort, I immediately get hopeful, thinking maybe she's having a meaningful contraction or maybe her water broke. When I find out that this isn't the case, I get a little bit let down, but then I think about something else to give me hope, like the fact that we're this far along or the fact that Emily's mucus plug has already come out. These things keep my hope up because they must mean that labor is just around the corner, right? Eventually, night comes and there are still no signs of labor, but I don't let it get me down because I think "OK, so it didn't happen today, but it could happen in the middle of the night tonight!" Then I go to bed wondering "is tonight the night?" and I eventually fall asleep and dream about Emily going into labor. I then wake up and repeat this entire process.

Living like this has been very hard and it has also made time go by extremely slowly. The thing that has been able to keep me semi-sane throughout all this (and also kind of break up the cycle) is the thought that "maybe at the next appointment the midwives will say that it's time to break Emily's water" or "maybe when Emily gets adjusted at the chiropractor it will tweak her body in such a way that will cause her to go into labor". But each time, I'm let down once again.

For some reason, today's letdown was the worst of them all. Yesterday I was so convinced that Emily was going to go into labor either that day, that night, or the next morning (which was this morning). It didn't happen, but I didn't feel too bad about it because, for some reason (I have no idea why), I thought the midwives would have something to say at our appointment today that would give me hope. But when we got there, they were talking about Emily's labor like it could still be several days away, or even longer. I'm not sure why, but that really, really let me down today. I've lost count of how many times I've been let down now, but it's a lot. Up until today, I've been able to quickly find something to bounce me back into a state of hopefulness, but not today. I was feeling pretty down after the visit with the midwives. In fact, I was feeling a little bitter too; not at the midwives, Emily, Maizie, or anybody else, but at the situation. After that letdown, I finally decided that I am not going to let myself get excited or get my hopes up anymore at all until Emily is absolutely, positively, without any question or doubt in labor. Since I made that decision, I've been feeling much better.

I know that much of what I've been feeling lately has been irrational, but it is what it is. My advice to anybody anxious for their baby to be born is to absolutely not get your hopes up for a specific day or even a specific week; just do anything in your power to distract yourself and be patient. It's extremely difficult, but it will save your sanity.

To end on a more positive note, we got another ultrasound today and got to see Maizie's face! Here's a picture (her head is sideways with her forehead towards the right and her mouth towards the left):



It will be so great when she's born!

40 weeks...where the heck are you baby!!

we have reached our first estimated due date. we have also reached our second estimated due date. we are well on our way to blow past our third estimated due date. i kind of feel like this is going to go on forever. i know that it cant and wont but the light at the end of the tunnel is barely a glimmer.

after the foley bulb and castor oil, and stripping my membranes, and the black and blue cohash didnt work at the birth center, i have resigned myself that our little girl is stubborn, and very much likes to make an entrance. which is all fine and dandy but doesnt she realize that no matter what you do when you are born that you are making an entrance? and everyone including strangers will be happy for us? i guess not.

last night i started having some braxton hicks contractions, which may or may not mean something. hopefully it means something. every time i got up i was having one but i didnt really try to time them since there wasnt any pain. secretly i was hoping that every time i got up my water would gush all over the floor and then maizie would have no choice but to be born. my moms labor with me was somewhat like that, no gushing but she slept through it all and i was almost born on the sofa. lucky lady, sleeping through labor.

today we get to go to salem and then to the birth center. another day of driving. i am going to the chiropractor in the hopes that she will be able to get everything in place, hips and back wise, so that it's more conducive to labor. also, it might make maizie turn around instead of being face up which would be more ideal. we will see. at the birth center, we are going to discuss the potential of breaking my water. i am not happy about that and i dont feel comfortable with that plan so i dont think i am going to do it. i would rather wait and see how things go for a couple more days, especially since my blood pressure has leveled out. i really feel like the urgency has kind of died out to get her here. so unless there is a real threat to her or me we arent doing the breaking of the water thing.

The Partially Effective Castor Oil Induction

Emily was given three 2 oz. doses of castor oil today, which started contractions, but she's still not in full-blown labor. We're currently at home, again, hoping she goes into labor either tonight or tomorrow. We'll keep you posted.

Here's a compilation of videos we recorded throughout the day:

The Anticlimactic Induction

Emily was induced today by means of a Foley bulb. It caused her to become 4 ½ cm dilated and she also had a few painful contractions, but that's about it. We're currently at home, hoping she goes into labor either tonight or tomorrow. We'll see what happens, though.

Here's a compilation of videos we recorded throughout the day:

39 weeks 3 days

yesterday i went to my weekly appointment with the midwife and found out that my blood pressure was sky high!! so much so that they think i have pre-eclampsia...but i dont have the standard swelling that goes with it. so they drew some blood and gave me a bottle to collect my pee for 24 hours. they also got me in with a naturopath that has a special concoction for getting blood pressure down. i was also 1 ½ cm dilated and 75% effaced which they said was a really good sign, especially since i am a first time mommy. they also told me no more work! and to just lay around and watch movies, sweet deal! so today i thought would be a quiet day...not so much. i scheduled myself an acupuncture appointment because that can also help lower blood pressure, and then went straight from that appointment to the naturopath doctor who is an hour away from us. so i spent a lot of my day driving. then after that i went back to salem to drop my pee specimen off and go grocery shopping. so much for relaxing.

after i got home, desiree, one of the midwives that i see, called to let me know that they werent sure if they were going to induce me tomorrow because the lab that is supposed to have my blood work lost it. so they dont now if i really do have pre-eclampsia or if i was just super stressed out. if i dont have pre-eclampsia they dont want to induce me because it would be best to go into labor spontaneously. this is kind of lame because with the medicine that the doctor gave me there is a certain amount of time that we have before my blood pressure will go up again, so if they dont get the answers they need, it could all have been really pointless for me to drive the two hours round trip and get the iv of medicine. so the point of all of this is that i think salem hospital sucks a whole bunch right now. and i might have to go and get more blood drawn tonight at silverton hospital.

at this point as much as it would be best to go spontaneously i almost feel like lets just induce to be on the safe side and screw the rest of the results. on monday we will be 40 weeks and plenty of babies are born before even 39 weeks and they are fine. but that is probably me just being selfish. so my dear maizie i have an idea, we can just go spontaneously tonight and not have to worry about anything else. sound like a plan? i think so.

about an hour after i wrote this, angie called me to let me know that the problem with the blood samples was that salem labs didnt come pick them up even though they were told they needed to. so they went to get them about 6 o'clock tonight and hopefully we will have an answer about being induced by tomorrow morning.

update - 7:52 pm: i will be induced tomorrow morning at 9 am and will hopefully have maizie here either tomorrow night or saturday:)

38 weeks

i had an appointment with the midwife today. we are 38 weeks and 2 days. everything is going great, and pretty much it's all up to maizie now. she is big enough and would be a healthy weight if she was born right now. to be honest, i am hoping that she will come this weekend. a couple of weeks ago, patricia, one of the midwives, told me she thought maizie was about 6 pounds. that was a couple of weeks ago, now i am guessing she is at least 7 pounds; most likely more. and that is why i would like her to be early, because i would like to not have a ginormous baby. i was 8 ½ pounds and adam was 9 and at least 5 oz and we were both late. which scares me because i would really like to not have a 10-pound baby...which i guess woudnt be the worst thing and there are women who have had worse but it doesnt appeal to me.

last night i had a dream that i was in las vegas hanging out with chelsea and we got a smoothie. i woke up totally needing a smoothie. so my plan was to go to jamba juice after my appointment with the midwife. so i go in and decide what i want. when i go to tell the girl my order she goes "are you going to pay with cash or were you going to use your card?" of course i'm going to use my card, who carries cash anymore? so then she says "i'm sorry our computers are all down right now so we can only take cash." oh how sad!!! you're telling a pregnant woman that she cant have what she really really needs! i almost cried, but choked it back and went to work. maybe next time i can get one.

do you know how hard it is to shave your legs when you are 38 weeks pregnant? i do. i also know that i am lucky to be able to get my pants on every morning without toppling over. and putting on socks has been out of the question for at least a month. just thought i'd share that thought with you.

this week maizie has found that she can put her feet on my ribs and her hands on my hips and press out really hard. fun for her, not me. when she first did it i thought i might pass out! it hurt and made it really hard to breathe. thankfully she doesnt do it that often. when i lay on my side she will stretch out on the bed too. i really like feeling her move but as she gets bigger it kind of hurts...a lot. sometimes i have to stop what i am doing until she is done doing what she is doing. guess i better get used to that.

lately we have gotten a ton of advice on how to naturally stimulate labor. like walking, castor oil, herbs...all kinds of things. the best advice came from my aunt leann. she told me that she tried everything to try and get her first two kids here early and in the end they were only 2 days early and she was more exhausted than she should have been. so moral of the story: just relax and let it happen when it happens. which is what i am going to try to do.

to labor or not to labor

37 weeks...or 21 days...or 259 days down and 21 to go, but who's counting? me for one, and adam for another. since my almost 36 week appointment i have been super anxious for maizie to be here. my midwife told me, "if you go into labor now it will be ok." just meaning not to freak out if i do go. but my mind takes that as "you can go into labor any minute, get ready!!!" so every day i am wondering and hoping that it will be the day. and every time i feel a braxton hicks contraction i wonder if it's going to turn into the real thing. no luck so far. adam has been calm about it up until yesterday. we watched a documentary called the business of being born. it's on pregnancy and birthing in the u.s. and it was awesome to see. very informative. and that is when it was like a switch was flipped in adam's head. he started asking "do you think you will go into labor today?" and when i would say no he would try to come up with ways to try and force labor. like trying to scare me, watching scary movies, going for walks, and eating spicy foods. it's cute:) today he started asking again and when i would say no he would say, "no you have to say yes and mean it so your body will think it has to go into labor!" i dont mind it, i REALLY want to go into labor and be able to meet maizie!!

maizie is still very active and i love it!! she is always kicking or turning, or pressing the air out of my lungs...ok sometimes it sucks to have her moving so much but it's worth it. she has been getting the hiccups a lot lately and i feel bad for her. it cant be comfortable in there to begin with but to get hiccups so often while so confined has to be lame. she also likes to press on my ribs. sometimes it feels like she is trying to dislocate them. she has also been responding to adams voice a little more. i like when he talks to her because she will start moving more. maizie also likes it when i rub her back, at least thats what i think it is. she is like a cat and will arch into it. i really hope she likes to snuggle, that will make my day!

we are now the proud owners of one ginormous car seat:) we ordered it from target and finally got it last thursday. i have decided that online shopping is for sure not a good thing for me. not because i order too much, but because i dont get the instant satisfaction of giving my money away and getting something in return. shopping just has to be done in person. but the one thing i did like was being able to read about the product and get reviews for it. we decided to get a convertible car seat that everyone kept saying they wished they had gotten before any of their other car seat purchases. so maizie will be in this car seat til she is 65 pounds!! i got to playing around with it and i think it might be one of the best designs ever. instead of having to take all the webbing out and relacing the entire thing when you have to adjust for the baby's growth, you just turn a knob. really. it's that simple. and it's super cushy, and the cover is soft and velvety. here is a picture of it: