I'm guessing that pretty much everybody who reads this will already know Emily's labor and delivery story, but I thought it would be good to have the story told by Emily on video. So if you're interested, here you go:
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
who knew
today maizie's umbilical cord fell off. it was worrying me since yesterday because it was bleeding a little so today i asked the doctor about it and she said yeah thats totally normal, and some fall off sooner than this (three days). after that, adam went with her to do a blood test to check just how jaundice she really is. i couldnt go because i knew that they were going to stab her and make her cry, which in turn makes me cry. i was waiting in the room for them to come back and i was fully expecting to hear her screaming, but when adam walked in she was totally calm. but we did find out that it is a normal reaction to poop yourself when you get stabbed, which is what she did. so we opened the blanket up to start to change her and—surprise—the umbilical cord is sitting there with some mucous and is almost completely unattached. it scared me because i thought we still had another day or so before that would happen. we still have to be careful with her and we cant bathe her until all the little scabs are gone.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Videos of Maizie
23 hours and 39 minutes old:
Crying:
Crying just a little bit, but mostly whimpering:
Crying:
Crying:
Crying just a little bit, but mostly whimpering:
Crying:
Sunday, March 21, 2010
maizie jane
maizie jane was born on march 20 at 8:16pm after 29 hours of labor, 17 hours and 16 minutes of which were considered active labor. she weighed in at 8 pounds 0.6 ounces, and is 20.5 inches long. she has very dark hair and a lot of it. she also came out with not one but two hickies on her right arm. her tongue never stops moving and she likes to suck on her middle and ring finger on her right hand. maizie startles easily, which leads to some of the cutest cries i have ever heard! in between each wail she will do a high pitched gasp; i will always know when my baby is crying because of that gasp. maizie already has a very steady gaze. she will stare at you for a long time and coos a little when you talk to her. other than getting startled easily maizie is a very calm baby. there is no way to explain the love i have for her, and i dont want to share her with anyone. as soon as i hand her over to someone i want her right back.
as i mentioned before, labor was ridiculously long, and unbelievably painful. my goal with the birth was to do a 100% natural child birth. and i lasted almost all of the way and then i couldnt do it anymore. right around 6 in the morning i was told i was 9cm dilated and that i would probably start to push soon. so we filled the tub and i got in. for the next 5 hours i was in the tub still violently contracting and to top it off, vomiting. because i was vomiting during contractions it made my back spaz out. it really was the worst feeling ever. i knew then that i wouldnt be able to do a natural birth. i think i even said it a few times. but i really wanted to be dedicated to my plan and i really wanted to do what i thought would be best. and i continued to labor at the birth center. it was getting to the point that i knew i needed to go to the hospital. i couldnt push because the back pain was too intense and it magnified each of the contractions by 100%. i said that i needed to be transferred and that i couldnt do it anymore. the midwives asked if adam and i wanted to talk about it to see if thats what i really wanted to do. adam gave me a blessing at the time and i tried to carry on. it went on for a couple more hours with no progress. maizie wasnt coming down any further in the birth canal, i was losing what energy i had left and the back pain was only making everything worse. at that point i decided i was done. i told them to call an ambulance and to take me to get the medicine that i needed. the midwives asked again if adam and i wanted to talk about it, and i said no, i already know that i cant and i need to go.
the ambulance was called. but the ambulance people who volunteer to do it all had to drive to the fire station that is about 15 miles away from the birth center. guess where they all live...the same street as the birth center. and because i was not in a life-threatening situation, we couldnt say "it's an emergency; please speed." we had to go with "she changed her mind about the whole natural thing and would now like drugs. can you take her?" it took them about half an hour to get there. the whole time i was having contractions that were 5 minutes apart and doing nothing but causing me to be in agony. part of the reason things were not progressing is maizie had her head aimed towards my right hip, preventing her from being able to go down the birth canal. finally the ambulance gets there, they take me and get me all ready and BUCKLE me down. really, are you kidding me? it was horrible not being able to move during a contraction. they take me and put me in the ambulance and then the driver says he needs to use the bathroom. what? no, i need medicine and it's not my fault you didnt think about your bladder before you left your house like half an hour ago. cross your legs and drive; you can pee later. but i, of course, couldnt say that because i was in too much pain. finally the dude gets in and we go. it was the longest drive of my life. the more i tried to relax, the worse it got. somewhere along the line, maizie decided that she would happily turn to get into position. this made the contractions worse and more frequent. by this point i am that crazy pregnant lady that you expect to murder anybody that breathes the wrong way and is blaming her husband for everything. i couldnt help but yell because of the pain, and i am sorry for the hearing loss of those around me. we finally got to the hospital, they take me in and i tried my best to be quiet. i really did. but i couldnt help it; i started stuttering and moaning and as soon as i got into the room i had to let it out. if there were any teenagers witnessing this it would be guaranteed they would not be having sex because they wouldnt want to end up like "that lady".
the sweet nurses were trying to do the intake as fast as they could and i had to try to answer questions for them. ha! nice try on that one. i kept asking for the medicine, they all told me i had to wait for the doctor to examine me. the entire time i was still yelling when the contractions were coming. they kept telling me to "bare down", and i kept thinking "is nobody understanding that my back wont let me bare down? wouldnt i have just finished this if i could bear down during a contraction?" so the doctor comes in and he checks me and says, "you know youre too far along for an epidural...", i start to freak out a little more in my head at this point, "but what i think you would be a great candidate for is an intrathecal...". he did try to explain what it was but i already said "fine, do it, great do it now, where's the anesthesiologist?" and he still was trying to explain it. finally the anesthesiologist came in and starts explaining things again to me. and i couldnt let her get a word in edgewise, i just kept saying, "great, lets do it, ok, just do it" finally they had me sign the release and they started to get me ready. the whole time they were explaining what they were going to be doing and, thinking about it now, the last thing i remember is her saying "ok i am going to numb the skin now." and i remember her numbing it and saying that "feels good." how sad is it when getting numbed to be even more numbed that it's a relief to you. a short time later, all of the pain medication was in and i couldnt feel any pain. it was like i got my personality back, i could talk again, without stuttering or yelling, i actually had a desire to push, and the contractions and back pain became a bad memory. i was able to talk to people and focus. life was good. and a few minutes later i was able to start pushing.
after a couple of pushes they were able to see maizie's head, and after a few more we were ready for the doctor, who walked in as soon as they pressed the button to call him. maizie was born after about 20 minutes of pushing. i didnt get to hold her right away because there was meconium in the water and they didnt want her to inhale any of it. so the nicu had to check her out first. and even though she was only feet away from me i couldnt help but cry. i needed to hold her. after she was checked out they gave her to me and life was complete! i could look into her eyes and smell her and kiss her and it was perfect, the last 29 hours were a blur. she was here. adam was able to watch the whole thing, front and center and he even cut her umbilical cord. adam was an amazing support to me the entire time. anything i wanted, he did. i am so grateful for him and for how it all turned out, even though it wasnt how i planned i am grateful for the ending. here is my favorite picture so far:
as i mentioned before, labor was ridiculously long, and unbelievably painful. my goal with the birth was to do a 100% natural child birth. and i lasted almost all of the way and then i couldnt do it anymore. right around 6 in the morning i was told i was 9cm dilated and that i would probably start to push soon. so we filled the tub and i got in. for the next 5 hours i was in the tub still violently contracting and to top it off, vomiting. because i was vomiting during contractions it made my back spaz out. it really was the worst feeling ever. i knew then that i wouldnt be able to do a natural birth. i think i even said it a few times. but i really wanted to be dedicated to my plan and i really wanted to do what i thought would be best. and i continued to labor at the birth center. it was getting to the point that i knew i needed to go to the hospital. i couldnt push because the back pain was too intense and it magnified each of the contractions by 100%. i said that i needed to be transferred and that i couldnt do it anymore. the midwives asked if adam and i wanted to talk about it to see if thats what i really wanted to do. adam gave me a blessing at the time and i tried to carry on. it went on for a couple more hours with no progress. maizie wasnt coming down any further in the birth canal, i was losing what energy i had left and the back pain was only making everything worse. at that point i decided i was done. i told them to call an ambulance and to take me to get the medicine that i needed. the midwives asked again if adam and i wanted to talk about it, and i said no, i already know that i cant and i need to go.
the ambulance was called. but the ambulance people who volunteer to do it all had to drive to the fire station that is about 15 miles away from the birth center. guess where they all live...the same street as the birth center. and because i was not in a life-threatening situation, we couldnt say "it's an emergency; please speed." we had to go with "she changed her mind about the whole natural thing and would now like drugs. can you take her?" it took them about half an hour to get there. the whole time i was having contractions that were 5 minutes apart and doing nothing but causing me to be in agony. part of the reason things were not progressing is maizie had her head aimed towards my right hip, preventing her from being able to go down the birth canal. finally the ambulance gets there, they take me and get me all ready and BUCKLE me down. really, are you kidding me? it was horrible not being able to move during a contraction. they take me and put me in the ambulance and then the driver says he needs to use the bathroom. what? no, i need medicine and it's not my fault you didnt think about your bladder before you left your house like half an hour ago. cross your legs and drive; you can pee later. but i, of course, couldnt say that because i was in too much pain. finally the dude gets in and we go. it was the longest drive of my life. the more i tried to relax, the worse it got. somewhere along the line, maizie decided that she would happily turn to get into position. this made the contractions worse and more frequent. by this point i am that crazy pregnant lady that you expect to murder anybody that breathes the wrong way and is blaming her husband for everything. i couldnt help but yell because of the pain, and i am sorry for the hearing loss of those around me. we finally got to the hospital, they take me in and i tried my best to be quiet. i really did. but i couldnt help it; i started stuttering and moaning and as soon as i got into the room i had to let it out. if there were any teenagers witnessing this it would be guaranteed they would not be having sex because they wouldnt want to end up like "that lady".
the sweet nurses were trying to do the intake as fast as they could and i had to try to answer questions for them. ha! nice try on that one. i kept asking for the medicine, they all told me i had to wait for the doctor to examine me. the entire time i was still yelling when the contractions were coming. they kept telling me to "bare down", and i kept thinking "is nobody understanding that my back wont let me bare down? wouldnt i have just finished this if i could bear down during a contraction?" so the doctor comes in and he checks me and says, "you know youre too far along for an epidural...", i start to freak out a little more in my head at this point, "but what i think you would be a great candidate for is an intrathecal...". he did try to explain what it was but i already said "fine, do it, great do it now, where's the anesthesiologist?" and he still was trying to explain it. finally the anesthesiologist came in and starts explaining things again to me. and i couldnt let her get a word in edgewise, i just kept saying, "great, lets do it, ok, just do it" finally they had me sign the release and they started to get me ready. the whole time they were explaining what they were going to be doing and, thinking about it now, the last thing i remember is her saying "ok i am going to numb the skin now." and i remember her numbing it and saying that "feels good." how sad is it when getting numbed to be even more numbed that it's a relief to you. a short time later, all of the pain medication was in and i couldnt feel any pain. it was like i got my personality back, i could talk again, without stuttering or yelling, i actually had a desire to push, and the contractions and back pain became a bad memory. i was able to talk to people and focus. life was good. and a few minutes later i was able to start pushing.
after a couple of pushes they were able to see maizie's head, and after a few more we were ready for the doctor, who walked in as soon as they pressed the button to call him. maizie was born after about 20 minutes of pushing. i didnt get to hold her right away because there was meconium in the water and they didnt want her to inhale any of it. so the nicu had to check her out first. and even though she was only feet away from me i couldnt help but cry. i needed to hold her. after she was checked out they gave her to me and life was complete! i could look into her eyes and smell her and kiss her and it was perfect, the last 29 hours were a blur. she was here. adam was able to watch the whole thing, front and center and he even cut her umbilical cord. adam was an amazing support to me the entire time. anything i wanted, he did. i am so grateful for him and for how it all turned out, even though it wasnt how i planned i am grateful for the ending. here is my favorite picture so far:
Friday, March 19, 2010
breaking the water...
today is the day that we thought we were going to break the water...notice how i say "thought". i believe that my water broke all on its own on tuesday, march 16. all day on tuesday i was having contractions. most of the time they were about 5 minutes apart, but there were some times that they were anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes apart. after dinner i was pushing the chairs in around the table and all of a sudden my pants were wet. i thought maybe i lost control of my bladder, but the more i think about it, the more i know that it was my water breaking. when you pee—even when you are almost 2 weeks over due—you definitely know that you are peeing yourself and have lost control. this was nothing like that.
when it happened, i called angie, the midwife who is over my care. i told her what had happened and that i wasnt sure, but i thought my water broke. so did she have me come in to get checked? no. she wanted me to see if the contractions formed any pattern and got stronger because the contractions i was having were not painful at all. at most it just made it a little hard to breathe, but i could still talk through it. she also wanted me to go and have a non stress test to go along with the second ultrasound just to make sure things were all good.
ok so we go to the hospital and they hook me up to the monitors and i am having contractions 3 to 4 minutes apart but still not painful. on the scale from 1 to 12 that they use i think the "biggest" one was about a 6 or 7, which, to me, didnt really hurt. adam and i decided that since we were already halfway to the birth center that we should stick around salem for a while to see if anything happens. we went to target and walked around for about an hour. during that time, the contractions stayed the same pain wise and were still about 3 to 4 minutes apart; at most they were 5. they were also getting to the point where i would have to stop walking. i also had to pee, so we decided to sit down for a little while. when i was in the bathroom i didnt notice any contractions, so that made it look like they stopped for about 10 minutes. but after we sat for a few minutes they were back to normal, 5 minutes apart. i called angie and asked her what we should do. her answer: go home and sleep, take a bath, etc., and hopefully the contractions would continue to get stronger and then give her a call.
we went home and—surprise!—i was able to sleep through the night. i was still leaking water; not a ton, but enough to need a pad or risk the chance of looking like i peed myself again. when i talked to angie again, i told her that i was still leaking but no regular contractions anymore. did she say she wanted me to come in and see if my water really is broken? nope. just take it easy, go for a walk, take a bath, eat something. i was getting slightly annoyed at this point and was kind of scared to do anything that might cause me to lose any more fluid, so i pretty much stayed in bed all day on wednesday; i only got up to pee and get more water.
on thursday (yesterday) it was kind of the same thing! angie called to check in with me but there was still no change at that point. i didnt do anything again in fear that i would lose more water. but by the time adam got home i was getting restless and thinking that i was having good contractions when i was walking so lets go for a walk and get them going again and that will be it. on the walk i definitely felt the water leaking out so i told adam that i really thought my water was broken, and called angie as soon as we got home. so finally she was like, "ok, we can check you." and we set up a time and then she called me back to have me do a "roll over test" which is to get some toilet paper, put it in your underwear, and then lay on your side, go to your back, and then to the other side. this should make some fluid leak out if your water is broken. it didnt work; there was no fluid when i got done. i called her and told her that and it sounded like she was trying to tell me not to worry about it and it felt like she was trying to get out of checking me but i insisted.
on the way to the birth center, i kept doubting myself and thinking that i was just making a big deal out of nothing, and feeling horrible. we got here and waited for a while; angie was running behind. she called to let me know that the lady who was cleaning would let us in. so we went in and i did the urine test and things were way out of whack. there were trace amounts of protein, my pH was off, i was slightly dehydrated, and there was blood in the urine. sounds amazing, right? so i am all freaked out while we are waiting for her to get here. angie got here about 10 minutes after i did the pee test. i told her all the results and we talked for a few minutes, she took my blood pressure and then she did the exam and test to see if the water is broken. guess what, it was and the little q-tip thing that tests the pH of the water was as dark as you can get! so i wasnt crazy, my water did break and i was probably headed towards labor on tuesday had she listened to me.
after the exam, we were given the option to go home or to stay at the birth center. i chose to go home because i thought i would be more comfortable and be able to start labor easier. thats not how it worked out. i did get a little more sleep than i would have at the birth center, but labor didnt start. i slept through all the contractions that i did have, which i dont think were all that many. but i woke up about 5 this morning, worried, and forced myself back to sleep and then again at 6, still worried. i couldnt stop thinking about my sister who had to have an emergency c-section because the doctor didnt catch the fact that her water broke and she lost all the fluid. i was crying and having horrible worries and it made me feel really discouraged and like i didnt want to go back to the birth center. so i was dragging my feet getting ready, i didnt even try to wake adam up. eventually i knew we had to go, so we did and we got here about 1:00.
patricia, who is the midwife i started out with, was here and doing my intake papers. i really have missed having her as my midwife. she could tell right away that i was out of sorts and asked me how things were. i feel more comfortable with her and i really wish that i could have kept her as my main person. but, as it is, i cant. she will be here, though, and that makes me feel much better. after she finished all of the paperwork, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the heart tones of the baby. then said that we could walk, but just be back in an hour so she could check the heart tones of the baby again. it was a relief to be able to be outside. it's been a gorgeous day and we were able to walk through some beautiful farms. while we were out i had a few contractions but nothing painful...i think i am one of those ladies who just doesnt feel it til the end.
when we got back they had a breast pump waiting for me for "nipple stimulation". it's one of the natural ways they induce labor because it will make your body produce oxytocin which is the natural form of pitocin. i dont know whats more awkward, as far as natural methods go, the castor oil or the breast pump. either way it is not much fun, but i think the breast pump method at least has more merit than the castor oil and you can control it more.
right now it's about 6:30. and we have been having contractions regularly, but no pattern. i keep hoping for a pattern and for it to form quickly because i cant take much more of this. i just want to hold my baby and be moving on with our lives, instead of wondering what is going to happen next.
when it happened, i called angie, the midwife who is over my care. i told her what had happened and that i wasnt sure, but i thought my water broke. so did she have me come in to get checked? no. she wanted me to see if the contractions formed any pattern and got stronger because the contractions i was having were not painful at all. at most it just made it a little hard to breathe, but i could still talk through it. she also wanted me to go and have a non stress test to go along with the second ultrasound just to make sure things were all good.
ok so we go to the hospital and they hook me up to the monitors and i am having contractions 3 to 4 minutes apart but still not painful. on the scale from 1 to 12 that they use i think the "biggest" one was about a 6 or 7, which, to me, didnt really hurt. adam and i decided that since we were already halfway to the birth center that we should stick around salem for a while to see if anything happens. we went to target and walked around for about an hour. during that time, the contractions stayed the same pain wise and were still about 3 to 4 minutes apart; at most they were 5. they were also getting to the point where i would have to stop walking. i also had to pee, so we decided to sit down for a little while. when i was in the bathroom i didnt notice any contractions, so that made it look like they stopped for about 10 minutes. but after we sat for a few minutes they were back to normal, 5 minutes apart. i called angie and asked her what we should do. her answer: go home and sleep, take a bath, etc., and hopefully the contractions would continue to get stronger and then give her a call.
we went home and—surprise!—i was able to sleep through the night. i was still leaking water; not a ton, but enough to need a pad or risk the chance of looking like i peed myself again. when i talked to angie again, i told her that i was still leaking but no regular contractions anymore. did she say she wanted me to come in and see if my water really is broken? nope. just take it easy, go for a walk, take a bath, eat something. i was getting slightly annoyed at this point and was kind of scared to do anything that might cause me to lose any more fluid, so i pretty much stayed in bed all day on wednesday; i only got up to pee and get more water.
on thursday (yesterday) it was kind of the same thing! angie called to check in with me but there was still no change at that point. i didnt do anything again in fear that i would lose more water. but by the time adam got home i was getting restless and thinking that i was having good contractions when i was walking so lets go for a walk and get them going again and that will be it. on the walk i definitely felt the water leaking out so i told adam that i really thought my water was broken, and called angie as soon as we got home. so finally she was like, "ok, we can check you." and we set up a time and then she called me back to have me do a "roll over test" which is to get some toilet paper, put it in your underwear, and then lay on your side, go to your back, and then to the other side. this should make some fluid leak out if your water is broken. it didnt work; there was no fluid when i got done. i called her and told her that and it sounded like she was trying to tell me not to worry about it and it felt like she was trying to get out of checking me but i insisted.
on the way to the birth center, i kept doubting myself and thinking that i was just making a big deal out of nothing, and feeling horrible. we got here and waited for a while; angie was running behind. she called to let me know that the lady who was cleaning would let us in. so we went in and i did the urine test and things were way out of whack. there were trace amounts of protein, my pH was off, i was slightly dehydrated, and there was blood in the urine. sounds amazing, right? so i am all freaked out while we are waiting for her to get here. angie got here about 10 minutes after i did the pee test. i told her all the results and we talked for a few minutes, she took my blood pressure and then she did the exam and test to see if the water is broken. guess what, it was and the little q-tip thing that tests the pH of the water was as dark as you can get! so i wasnt crazy, my water did break and i was probably headed towards labor on tuesday had she listened to me.
after the exam, we were given the option to go home or to stay at the birth center. i chose to go home because i thought i would be more comfortable and be able to start labor easier. thats not how it worked out. i did get a little more sleep than i would have at the birth center, but labor didnt start. i slept through all the contractions that i did have, which i dont think were all that many. but i woke up about 5 this morning, worried, and forced myself back to sleep and then again at 6, still worried. i couldnt stop thinking about my sister who had to have an emergency c-section because the doctor didnt catch the fact that her water broke and she lost all the fluid. i was crying and having horrible worries and it made me feel really discouraged and like i didnt want to go back to the birth center. so i was dragging my feet getting ready, i didnt even try to wake adam up. eventually i knew we had to go, so we did and we got here about 1:00.
patricia, who is the midwife i started out with, was here and doing my intake papers. i really have missed having her as my midwife. she could tell right away that i was out of sorts and asked me how things were. i feel more comfortable with her and i really wish that i could have kept her as my main person. but, as it is, i cant. she will be here, though, and that makes me feel much better. after she finished all of the paperwork, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the heart tones of the baby. then said that we could walk, but just be back in an hour so she could check the heart tones of the baby again. it was a relief to be able to be outside. it's been a gorgeous day and we were able to walk through some beautiful farms. while we were out i had a few contractions but nothing painful...i think i am one of those ladies who just doesnt feel it til the end.
when we got back they had a breast pump waiting for me for "nipple stimulation". it's one of the natural ways they induce labor because it will make your body produce oxytocin which is the natural form of pitocin. i dont know whats more awkward, as far as natural methods go, the castor oil or the breast pump. either way it is not much fun, but i think the breast pump method at least has more merit than the castor oil and you can control it more.
right now it's about 6:30. and we have been having contractions regularly, but no pattern. i keep hoping for a pattern and for it to form quickly because i cant take much more of this. i just want to hold my baby and be moving on with our lives, instead of wondering what is going to happen next.
Monday, March 15, 2010
41 weeks and no end in sight
today we hit 41 weeks. we also got to have another bio-physical ultrasound and a slightly unproductive appointment with the midwife. we have been praying and trying to decide if we want to have my water broken because of the high blood pressure. adam and my dad also gave me a blessing. so far i have not come to a decision either way. both of our options, waiting for a spontaneous labor and inducing, have risks. it's trying to decide which is less risky that is the hard part. most of me says that waiting will be ok and things will go well. but then there is this really pesky tiny part of me that is panicking and even though it is a small part it has a very loud voice and trying to weigh my options without that panic taking over is really killing me. the other hard thing is that i was pretty sure that desiree wouldn't let me go this week without scheduling to induce. at the last appointment she was sure about it, but now she isn't. i am grateful for her listening to me and trying to help me have the birth that i want but i also feel that at this point i need someone to tell me what to do. i almost don't feel capable of making this decision.
on a lighter note, during the ultrasound today we got to see our beautiful baby girl. she was busy sticking her tongue out and licking her fingers and doing all these adorable things. the pictures weren't as good as last week's so we wont mess with putting them up.
on a lighter note, during the ultrasound today we got to see our beautiful baby girl. she was busy sticking her tongue out and licking her fingers and doing all these adorable things. the pictures weren't as good as last week's so we wont mess with putting them up.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
quick update
yesterday we went for a bio-medical-i-don't-really-know-the-name ultrasound. the whole purpose of the ultrasound is to look at everything that is going on with the baby, the placenta, how much water is in there with her, her growth—everything. the reason why the midwives wanted this is to be able to see if there was something going on with the placenta in particular because most often when a mom's blood pressure spikes it's because there is something going on with the placenta and it's a way of telling you the baby needs to be born or something needs to be done as soon as possible. i dont understand why they waited a week to have us do that but whatever. we got the results back and we scored 8 out of 8, meaning i have made everything in there super nice and cozy and maizie will never ever want to be born! it's a relief to know that things are looking good though.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Feelings of a Father-To-Be
As Emily noted in a previous blog post, I've been pretty anxious for Maizie to be born ever since Emily got to be around 37 weeks pregnant. Since the time that this feeling of anxiety first hit me up until the time I started my paternity leave (Friday the 5th), I was able to distract myself on weekdays thanks to my job. Weekends were pretty killer, though, since I was just sitting around at home. Overall, I would say I was doing pretty well with staying sane.
Lately, however, my sanity has been a little more questionable. You see, when we found out that Emily was going to be induced on Friday the 5th, we assumed that it was a pretty sure thing that Maizie would be born either that day or the next day. Because of this, I decided to start my paternity leave on Friday the 5th and then return to work on Monday the 22nd. But as it turns out, the birthing center's definition of "induction" is not the same as it is for most people in America. Remember, this is a natural birthing center we're talking about. Although we did see some results from what they did, it didn't send Emily into labor. In other words, what we were so sure was going to happen didn't happen. And since I'm on paternity leave, I no longer have my job to distract me with. I could go back, but it would be a pretty big hassle and I'm not even sure it would be a very effective distraction anymore since we're past Emily's due date.
This is how it's been lately:
I wake up in the morning wondering "is today the day?" I then try to go about my day and do normal things, but I have a hard time focusing on anything other than wondering "is today the day?" Any time Emily makes a sound that has the slightest hint of discomfort, I immediately get hopeful, thinking maybe she's having a meaningful contraction or maybe her water broke. When I find out that this isn't the case, I get a little bit let down, but then I think about something else to give me hope, like the fact that we're this far along or the fact that Emily's mucus plug has already come out. These things keep my hope up because they must mean that labor is just around the corner, right? Eventually, night comes and there are still no signs of labor, but I don't let it get me down because I think "OK, so it didn't happen today, but it could happen in the middle of the night tonight!" Then I go to bed wondering "is tonight the night?" and I eventually fall asleep and dream about Emily going into labor. I then wake up and repeat this entire process.
Living like this has been very hard and it has also made time go by extremely slowly. The thing that has been able to keep me semi-sane throughout all this (and also kind of break up the cycle) is the thought that "maybe at the next appointment the midwives will say that it's time to break Emily's water" or "maybe when Emily gets adjusted at the chiropractor it will tweak her body in such a way that will cause her to go into labor". But each time, I'm let down once again.
For some reason, today's letdown was the worst of them all. Yesterday I was so convinced that Emily was going to go into labor either that day, that night, or the next morning (which was this morning). It didn't happen, but I didn't feel too bad about it because, for some reason (I have no idea why), I thought the midwives would have something to say at our appointment today that would give me hope. But when we got there, they were talking about Emily's labor like it could still be several days away, or even longer. I'm not sure why, but that really, really let me down today. I've lost count of how many times I've been let down now, but it's a lot. Up until today, I've been able to quickly find something to bounce me back into a state of hopefulness, but not today. I was feeling pretty down after the visit with the midwives. In fact, I was feeling a little bitter too; not at the midwives, Emily, Maizie, or anybody else, but at the situation. After that letdown, I finally decided that I am not going to let myself get excited or get my hopes up anymore at all until Emily is absolutely, positively, without any question or doubt in labor. Since I made that decision, I've been feeling much better.
I know that much of what I've been feeling lately has been irrational, but it is what it is. My advice to anybody anxious for their baby to be born is to absolutely not get your hopes up for a specific day or even a specific week; just do anything in your power to distract yourself and be patient. It's extremely difficult, but it will save your sanity.
To end on a more positive note, we got another ultrasound today and got to see Maizie's face! Here's a picture (her head is sideways with her forehead towards the right and her mouth towards the left):
It will be so great when she's born!
Lately, however, my sanity has been a little more questionable. You see, when we found out that Emily was going to be induced on Friday the 5th, we assumed that it was a pretty sure thing that Maizie would be born either that day or the next day. Because of this, I decided to start my paternity leave on Friday the 5th and then return to work on Monday the 22nd. But as it turns out, the birthing center's definition of "induction" is not the same as it is for most people in America. Remember, this is a natural birthing center we're talking about. Although we did see some results from what they did, it didn't send Emily into labor. In other words, what we were so sure was going to happen didn't happen. And since I'm on paternity leave, I no longer have my job to distract me with. I could go back, but it would be a pretty big hassle and I'm not even sure it would be a very effective distraction anymore since we're past Emily's due date.
This is how it's been lately:
I wake up in the morning wondering "is today the day?" I then try to go about my day and do normal things, but I have a hard time focusing on anything other than wondering "is today the day?" Any time Emily makes a sound that has the slightest hint of discomfort, I immediately get hopeful, thinking maybe she's having a meaningful contraction or maybe her water broke. When I find out that this isn't the case, I get a little bit let down, but then I think about something else to give me hope, like the fact that we're this far along or the fact that Emily's mucus plug has already come out. These things keep my hope up because they must mean that labor is just around the corner, right? Eventually, night comes and there are still no signs of labor, but I don't let it get me down because I think "OK, so it didn't happen today, but it could happen in the middle of the night tonight!" Then I go to bed wondering "is tonight the night?" and I eventually fall asleep and dream about Emily going into labor. I then wake up and repeat this entire process.
Living like this has been very hard and it has also made time go by extremely slowly. The thing that has been able to keep me semi-sane throughout all this (and also kind of break up the cycle) is the thought that "maybe at the next appointment the midwives will say that it's time to break Emily's water" or "maybe when Emily gets adjusted at the chiropractor it will tweak her body in such a way that will cause her to go into labor". But each time, I'm let down once again.
For some reason, today's letdown was the worst of them all. Yesterday I was so convinced that Emily was going to go into labor either that day, that night, or the next morning (which was this morning). It didn't happen, but I didn't feel too bad about it because, for some reason (I have no idea why), I thought the midwives would have something to say at our appointment today that would give me hope. But when we got there, they were talking about Emily's labor like it could still be several days away, or even longer. I'm not sure why, but that really, really let me down today. I've lost count of how many times I've been let down now, but it's a lot. Up until today, I've been able to quickly find something to bounce me back into a state of hopefulness, but not today. I was feeling pretty down after the visit with the midwives. In fact, I was feeling a little bitter too; not at the midwives, Emily, Maizie, or anybody else, but at the situation. After that letdown, I finally decided that I am not going to let myself get excited or get my hopes up anymore at all until Emily is absolutely, positively, without any question or doubt in labor. Since I made that decision, I've been feeling much better.
I know that much of what I've been feeling lately has been irrational, but it is what it is. My advice to anybody anxious for their baby to be born is to absolutely not get your hopes up for a specific day or even a specific week; just do anything in your power to distract yourself and be patient. It's extremely difficult, but it will save your sanity.
To end on a more positive note, we got another ultrasound today and got to see Maizie's face! Here's a picture (her head is sideways with her forehead towards the right and her mouth towards the left):
It will be so great when she's born!
40 weeks...where the heck are you baby!!
we have reached our first estimated due date. we have also reached our second estimated due date. we are well on our way to blow past our third estimated due date. i kind of feel like this is going to go on forever. i know that it cant and wont but the light at the end of the tunnel is barely a glimmer.
after the foley bulb and castor oil, and stripping my membranes, and the black and blue cohash didnt work at the birth center, i have resigned myself that our little girl is stubborn, and very much likes to make an entrance. which is all fine and dandy but doesnt she realize that no matter what you do when you are born that you are making an entrance? and everyone including strangers will be happy for us? i guess not.
last night i started having some braxton hicks contractions, which may or may not mean something. hopefully it means something. every time i got up i was having one but i didnt really try to time them since there wasnt any pain. secretly i was hoping that every time i got up my water would gush all over the floor and then maizie would have no choice but to be born. my moms labor with me was somewhat like that, no gushing but she slept through it all and i was almost born on the sofa. lucky lady, sleeping through labor.
today we get to go to salem and then to the birth center. another day of driving. i am going to the chiropractor in the hopes that she will be able to get everything in place, hips and back wise, so that it's more conducive to labor. also, it might make maizie turn around instead of being face up which would be more ideal. we will see. at the birth center, we are going to discuss the potential of breaking my water. i am not happy about that and i dont feel comfortable with that plan so i dont think i am going to do it. i would rather wait and see how things go for a couple more days, especially since my blood pressure has leveled out. i really feel like the urgency has kind of died out to get her here. so unless there is a real threat to her or me we arent doing the breaking of the water thing.
after the foley bulb and castor oil, and stripping my membranes, and the black and blue cohash didnt work at the birth center, i have resigned myself that our little girl is stubborn, and very much likes to make an entrance. which is all fine and dandy but doesnt she realize that no matter what you do when you are born that you are making an entrance? and everyone including strangers will be happy for us? i guess not.
last night i started having some braxton hicks contractions, which may or may not mean something. hopefully it means something. every time i got up i was having one but i didnt really try to time them since there wasnt any pain. secretly i was hoping that every time i got up my water would gush all over the floor and then maizie would have no choice but to be born. my moms labor with me was somewhat like that, no gushing but she slept through it all and i was almost born on the sofa. lucky lady, sleeping through labor.
today we get to go to salem and then to the birth center. another day of driving. i am going to the chiropractor in the hopes that she will be able to get everything in place, hips and back wise, so that it's more conducive to labor. also, it might make maizie turn around instead of being face up which would be more ideal. we will see. at the birth center, we are going to discuss the potential of breaking my water. i am not happy about that and i dont feel comfortable with that plan so i dont think i am going to do it. i would rather wait and see how things go for a couple more days, especially since my blood pressure has leveled out. i really feel like the urgency has kind of died out to get her here. so unless there is a real threat to her or me we arent doing the breaking of the water thing.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The Partially Effective Castor Oil Induction
Emily was given three 2 oz. doses of castor oil today, which started contractions, but she's still not in full-blown labor. We're currently at home, again, hoping she goes into labor either tonight or tomorrow. We'll keep you posted.
Here's a compilation of videos we recorded throughout the day:
Here's a compilation of videos we recorded throughout the day:
Friday, March 5, 2010
The Anticlimactic Induction
Emily was induced today by means of a Foley bulb. It caused her to become 4 ½ cm dilated and she also had a few painful contractions, but that's about it. We're currently at home, hoping she goes into labor either tonight or tomorrow. We'll see what happens, though.
Here's a compilation of videos we recorded throughout the day:
Here's a compilation of videos we recorded throughout the day:
Thursday, March 4, 2010
39 weeks 3 days
yesterday i went to my weekly appointment with the midwife and found out that my blood pressure was sky high!! so much so that they think i have pre-eclampsia...but i dont have the standard swelling that goes with it. so they drew some blood and gave me a bottle to collect my pee for 24 hours. they also got me in with a naturopath that has a special concoction for getting blood pressure down. i was also 1 ½ cm dilated and 75% effaced which they said was a really good sign, especially since i am a first time mommy. they also told me no more work! and to just lay around and watch movies, sweet deal! so today i thought would be a quiet day...not so much. i scheduled myself an acupuncture appointment because that can also help lower blood pressure, and then went straight from that appointment to the naturopath doctor who is an hour away from us. so i spent a lot of my day driving. then after that i went back to salem to drop my pee specimen off and go grocery shopping. so much for relaxing.
after i got home, desiree, one of the midwives that i see, called to let me know that they werent sure if they were going to induce me tomorrow because the lab that is supposed to have my blood work lost it. so they dont now if i really do have pre-eclampsia or if i was just super stressed out. if i dont have pre-eclampsia they dont want to induce me because it would be best to go into labor spontaneously. this is kind of lame because with the medicine that the doctor gave me there is a certain amount of time that we have before my blood pressure will go up again, so if they dont get the answers they need, it could all have been really pointless for me to drive the two hours round trip and get the iv of medicine. so the point of all of this is that i think salem hospital sucks a whole bunch right now. and i might have to go and get more blood drawn tonight at silverton hospital.
at this point as much as it would be best to go spontaneously i almost feel like lets just induce to be on the safe side and screw the rest of the results. on monday we will be 40 weeks and plenty of babies are born before even 39 weeks and they are fine. but that is probably me just being selfish. so my dear maizie i have an idea, we can just go spontaneously tonight and not have to worry about anything else. sound like a plan? i think so.
about an hour after i wrote this, angie called me to let me know that the problem with the blood samples was that salem labs didnt come pick them up even though they were told they needed to. so they went to get them about 6 o'clock tonight and hopefully we will have an answer about being induced by tomorrow morning.
update - 7:52 pm: i will be induced tomorrow morning at 9 am and will hopefully have maizie here either tomorrow night or saturday:)
after i got home, desiree, one of the midwives that i see, called to let me know that they werent sure if they were going to induce me tomorrow because the lab that is supposed to have my blood work lost it. so they dont now if i really do have pre-eclampsia or if i was just super stressed out. if i dont have pre-eclampsia they dont want to induce me because it would be best to go into labor spontaneously. this is kind of lame because with the medicine that the doctor gave me there is a certain amount of time that we have before my blood pressure will go up again, so if they dont get the answers they need, it could all have been really pointless for me to drive the two hours round trip and get the iv of medicine. so the point of all of this is that i think salem hospital sucks a whole bunch right now. and i might have to go and get more blood drawn tonight at silverton hospital.
at this point as much as it would be best to go spontaneously i almost feel like lets just induce to be on the safe side and screw the rest of the results. on monday we will be 40 weeks and plenty of babies are born before even 39 weeks and they are fine. but that is probably me just being selfish. so my dear maizie i have an idea, we can just go spontaneously tonight and not have to worry about anything else. sound like a plan? i think so.
about an hour after i wrote this, angie called me to let me know that the problem with the blood samples was that salem labs didnt come pick them up even though they were told they needed to. so they went to get them about 6 o'clock tonight and hopefully we will have an answer about being induced by tomorrow morning.
update - 7:52 pm: i will be induced tomorrow morning at 9 am and will hopefully have maizie here either tomorrow night or saturday:)
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