give and take

today was an awesome day, and towards the end of the afternoon a sad one. we celebrated maizie's birthday with family and friends today, even though she is not one until tomorrow. i want to post about it but i will tomorrow, and will do pictures. this post tonight is about the sad part so you dont have to read if you dont want to...if thats the case stop now.

as we were cleaning up from the party my cousin scott got a call from his dad looking for my mom. he found out that my grandpa had fallen and broken his ribs. the doctors dont expect him to live through the procedure to fix them. my mom had just left, and wouldnt be home for at least a half hour. i kept trying to call because my dad was sick so he was there, but not awake.

i kept thinking that i didnt want to be the one who told my mom her dad is dying. when she finally picked up i asked her if she had talked to my uncle brent, i had this hope that maybe she was on the other line and thats why she didnt pick up. she said no that she had just walked in the door, and asked whats up. i told her that i didnt have good news. i told her about the call from brent, and that grandpa wasnt expected to make it. she started hyperventilating, and talking about getting to the bank and finding checks. im guessing so that she could have money to go to hermiston where my grandparents live. she asked me about details that i didnt have, and all i could say is that she needed to call my grandma or brent, and that i was so sorry. i dont think i have ever felt so helpless.

my mom and her brother left tonight to be with my grandparents. i plan on going to the funeral. but i keep thinking that i needed to do more. i feel like i have missed out on so much with my grandpa, that i should have visited more often, written letters, or called. i feel so guilty for all of the should haves. going to someones funeral doesnt make up for that.

the count down

i was thinking today that one year ago, while pushing a chair in at the table my water broke. and thus began the final drop on the roller coaster ride that was my labor, that finally ended 4 days later! i'd like to think that i will never forget that experience, but the last few months of seeing adam's grandma has made me think otherwise. anyway just thought i'd share that tidbit.

11 months!

tonight maizie turned 11 months old!! my baby is almost a year old and it makes me so sad. here are some of the things she is doing:

maizie calls everybody "mama". i was a little sad about this but i know lots of kids do it until they really understand names...so i'm over it, sort of.

she LOVES her binky. so much so that she will sometimes have one in her mouth and one in each hand. i don't know how we will break her of it.

maizie loves to watch duck videos. anytime i sit down at our desk she takes it as her queue to climb on my lap and say, "guck, guck" and sometimes "cuck, cuck" which i am taking as another form of duck.

she got her first pair of shoes that actually stay on.

she knows how to blow kisses.

she is babbling more. and there are some definite words in there, you just have to listen for them. she asks "whats that?" a ton. she also can say car, and moo (although it sounds like boo). she "barks" when she sees a dog, and says cheese ("eese").

she points to herself.

maizie actually let me hold another baby without getting jealous! instead she kept saying "ooooooh", and tried to pat the baby. i guess all the "be soft" talk is paying off.

she has learned about noses, and points to them regularly.

maizie got her first haircut today. she had a super long strand that never fell out that has been getting in her eyes. so today at 8:16pm as she was turning 11 months old we cut that part off. we saved the hair tied in red ribbon.

have i told you that adam's grandma is living with us? in january, doris came to live here again. i don't really know that she wanted to, but she had to. none of us in the house are very happy or excited about it. doris has dementia, so living with her is like living in lockdown in a mental facility. any time we leave our room, we have to lock it and have our key on us...i lost mine about a day after this all started. for the first few weeks we kept the key above the door, but after she tried every key she could find to try to get in our room we decided it wasn't safe to leave our key out anymore. there are times when she is nice and behaves perfectly. then there are times when nothing is right and you can't convince her of anything. it's really hard to understand, and to also try to not be frustrated by her. the person this is hardest for though is jill. she doesn't want to give up on doris and put her in a home, but at the same time can't go on like this until doris' inevitable end. jill has the most contact with her during the day since the rest of us have jobs. jill does everything she can to make her mom comfortable, and to see that she is getting everything she needs. in return doris will say "thank you" once in a while. but she mostly just expects it and then doesnt remember people doing things for her. i guess i just needed to vent a little. i hope things get better.

sick

i have to admit that i hate people who refuse to accept that their kid is the reason everyone around them is sick or getting sick. i feel like a snotty nose is one thing, not that i want it but if it comes down to that or pneumonia i'll take the snotty nose. anything else though and i want them to stay 1000 feet away from my family. i feel like i take every measure to keep maizie away from people when she is sick, why cant they do the same with their kids? and dont come over to me and say "dont get too close we have blah blah blah, hahahaha!" no. not funny, take your nasty a$$ germs and get the heck out of my house, or my bubble, and dont come back til you have been completely disinfected. the only time i want sick people around is when they have chicken pox and maizie is at least 3. til then, STAY AWAY! in the mean time i'll just be here listening to my baby cough, have shallow breathing and diarrhea. thanks so much typhoid mary.

10 months!!

wow. 10 months. maizie has started doing so much this month. it blows me away how fast she learns things.

maizie has started sharing. no, not toys. she shares her binky. thats right, straight from your mouth to hers. and if you turn your head to try to not take it, she turns you back towards her with her other hand and jams the binky in your mouth.

maizie has finally gotten that waving is for both hello and goodbye. it's really sweet to see her waving to everybody.

she climbs. it makes me crazy because she is not very aware of edges. and although she has fallen a few times, it doesnt stop her.

maizie absolutely adores books. we have started reading to her every night as part of her bedtime routine. she loves to point things out and listen to the animal noises, her favorite are the lion and the frog.

she knows how to quack, growl, click her tongue, say mama, dada, go, and hi. (i think some of those have been mentioned before, sorry)

she eats everything but baby food (unless it's fruit). i cant say that i blame her.

she likes to have us love her baby doll. she shoves it in your face a lot like when she shares her binky.

if you are holding her and not paying enough attention to her, she will turn your head to her and grin like crazy.

maizie is learning to defend herself. since she is at daycare, she picks up on things. and this i am not entirely proud of but glad she's not a pushover: she hits if someone takes her toy or something. i am really trying to work on getting her to be nice, but, until she can talk more, i dont know how well it will work.

maizie can walk! she is still wobbly, but she has it. sometimes when she gets too excited, she drops down and crawls since that is still faster.

adam's surgery

adam had to have surgery on december 23. that's right, 2 days before christmas. we went to the doctor thinking that it would have to be taken care of after christmas, but, to our surprise, they did it that day! it wasn't a huge surgery, but it's taking a while to heal. he had a pilonidal cyst. you can look it up if you really want to. since then, though, he has a hard time sitting for any extended amount of time. i feel bad for him; it would be lame having to lay down most of the day. the wound from the surgery is in a place where you can't have stitches because the skin moves too much and would tear around them, so we get to pack the wound...when i say "we" i mean "i". the first time i had to do it, it was really difficult. i wasn't expecting it to be so big (it's about 2 inches long and 1 ½ deep). we went for a follow up and the doctor says it's healing well and that he wished all of his patients' healing went this well. hopefully it finishes healing fast so adam wont hurt anymore.